Always Alone
by Keakun
Summary: Iruka watches as his lover faces the pressures of the shinobi life, he turns to another for comfort. KakaIru
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Naruto characters.**

**Rating: M? I guess, lol.**

**Always Alone – Chapter 1**

Iruka stood on the balcony of a secluded apartment within Konoha. His Chuunin vest open, exposing his dark body in the night air. His skin was cold, but the aged youth didn't mind. The cold air reminded him that his heart still pumped blood within his shivering body. The way his body froze reminded him that he was not dreaming, that he was alive, and that everything that had happened a year ago did.

A year ago he was a sad and lonely man. He was a man of control, within every aspect of his life. He was a teacher, he helped guide the youth of his village, and he was a shinobi of Konoha. His emotions were connected solely to his own life, rather than enveloped within his lovers. A year ago this man became happy, but at the same time the walls that protected his heart began to break. The walls crashing down to a silver haired wolf disguised as a man.

So much history of heart ache and pain resided in the man he loved. Iruka could never figure out how the man kept from shattering, how he kept his life together. Even more so when his lovers' team was disbanded a month ago, and his students were dispersed between greater shinobi.

He wondered how Kakashi could have weathered such an emotional blow. Iruka was told how Kakashi's original team was torn apart. Parent, rivals, best friends, and teachers all lost between the course of a couple years. Iruka didn't know what he would do if he lost everything dear to him, and to go through it twice was an insane thought.

The only person who could come close to that aspect was Kakashi, and he was certain that the current situation lead to one destination, their separation. The Jounin had taken a string of unranked ANBU missions, leaving the Chuunin to go sleepless nights, cursed with worry.

Humorous was the situation. Iruka knew that Kakashi was currently in the apartment that they shared. Knew that he should be in his home, wrapped in his lovers' embrace, instead he was alone in the cold. Trapped within his serious thought.

"Why are you out here?" An outsider asked, the smoky scent drafting in the chuunin's senses as he felt arms wrap around him.

Iruka, reminded of the presence behind him by a bulge in the other mans pants. Remembering that his true lover was probably hurt, bleeding, and alone at home, Iruka lost his will to be at this place. So he made his way back into the complex and gathered his things.

"Where are you going?" The young man asked.

"Out," was all the Chuunin offered.

"Mind if I tag along?" The other asked with a smirk, only to have the front door of his home slammed in his face.

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Iruka walked into the darkened home, and was greeted by a single light. He looked up and saw that the light was pouring from the bathroom. No water was running, but he knew that the man was in there. Kakashi always returned to the light after a mission. No matter how gruesome and mutilating the operation was to the shinobi's soul.

Iruka thought of Kakashi not only as his lover, but as his best friend. But never had he thought in all his life that he would be blessed to find someone. Someone he knew that he wanted to spend his entire life with. He wanted the best for Kakashi, because he loved him with as much intensity as he did for his village.

So why was he doing this to his family? Why was he sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, or not coming home at all? Why was he committing himself to a life of loneliness and despair? How could he risk everything for a fleeting moment of happiness each and every single day?

At least Kakashi had an excuse for doing the same. The silver haired Jounin was doing his duty for Konoha. Still, all Iruka could ask himself was why? Just why?

Iruka peered into his bathroom and realized his answer. Kakashi sprawled on the tiles of small room. Bandages tightly wrapped on battle scars, hastily, as if to forget they ever happened. Overstressed and overworked marks lay apparent on his face. Iruka was amazed that the man in front of him never collapsed within his own village, choosing instead to go to sleep whenever his body felt tired. No matter the location.

Iruka knew that Kakashi was taking care of himself despite the dangers of missions. Iruka knew this because he held the knowledge that Kakashi would never walk the same path of his famous father. Kakashi would never commit suicide in anyway. But the Jounin looked so pale and sunken, like he was starving himself out of depression, or drinking too much.

However, Kakashi still hurt himself in some ways. For example, the Jounin stopped contacting his friends. Gai's challenges went unmet, Genma lost contact, and Asuma… Iruka didn't want to think of the chain smoking man.

Kakashi had even pushed Iruka away because of the intense missions that ANBU were involved with. The teacher was always busy, always asleep when the Jounin returned from a blood bath. Iruka did not know if Kakashi noticed that he was no longer around.

So Iruka turned to a comfort from this hurtful action, he knew Kakashi was not doing this intentionally, but that didn't mean he did not want solace for the cold nights. For the cold days when his heart could no longer bear the weight of being ignored by his lover.

So that was Iruka's refrain, his life was falling apart and he could do nothing about it. He simply picked up the sleeping form of his lover and carried the man to the bed that they shared. Deftly draping a blanket over his lover while he prayed over tomorrow, praying that things would change and their lives would return to the semblance he missed.

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**A/N: An experiment, Feedback is greatly appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it.

Rated M: Just cause.

Feedback is greatly appreciated.

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Kakashi awoke with an immense sting in his forearm. He immediately reached for the bandaged appendage as he stifled a moan from the pain. He stood up, trying to work his body to relax.

He didn't know the time; he knew that it was late due to the darkness that lay beyond his window. Though the time at the moment did not matter to the Jounin because all he felt like doing was chopping off his arm to alleviate the pain. Massaging the offending stings to pulses of comforting numb, Kakashi became aware of Iruka sleeping soundly in their bed.

Kakashi slinked under the covers and snuggled up against the warmth, instinctively wrapping his arms around the younger man. Kakashi couldn't remember how long it had been since he and Iruka had been home together at the same time. The last time they touched, kissed, the last time he had Iruka all to himself. He wanted nothing more than to be in that safe place again. To feel the warmth of his lover's skin, to feel the heat that was Umino Iruka. Kakashi snuggled into the long forgotten warmth. Breathing in all that was his lover, smoke filling in his senses, he wanted to wretch.

On some level Kakashi knew what was happening to his relationship with Iruka. He also knew that they would have to confront each other on their problems. However, Kakashi was not sure his heart could take another emotional blow.

Losing Iruka, one out of a handful of people he loved with all his being, would tear him apart inside and out. Calling Iruka on his nightly activities would result in not only losing his lover, but a part of his heart as well. Like what had happened when his teammates had died, when the Yodaime made his sacrifice, and when his Genin team disbanded.

Kakashi couldn't bear the thought of that ever happening again, so he nuzzled closer to Iruka and let sleep overcome him. Putting off confronting Iruka, and at the same time retreating into the safe hold he longed for.

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There was a time when Kakashi cherished the mornings. Waking up in the arms of the man that he loved., bathing in the morning sun. Wishing that everyday started this way.

But in the present day, Kakashis' mornings were filled with rushing to get away from enemy ninjas, hurriedly strapping on medical bandages for festering wounds, or collapsing from sheer exhaustion.

This morning was different as Kakashi blinked from the harsh sunlight in his eyes. However that didn't stop the panic from entering his mind. He could sense Iruka moving about in their kitchen, and facing the man was not an option. Rushing to get into a new pair of clothes was futile as his legs gave in. Kakashi stumbled and landed hard on the bedroom floor, the wounds from his previous mission causing his downfall.

"What's this?" Iruka asked as he hid his mirth, "The great Copy-Ninja defeated by his own bed sheets."

Kakashi grunted as he righted himself, only to collapse back into bed. Iruka rolled his eyes as he disappeared back into his kitchen. _What am I supposed to say to the man?_ Kakashi silently cursed his own weakness.

A few minutes later Iruka reappeared with a tray of food, "Hope you're hungry." Kakashi eyed the food wearily, "It's called breakfast Kakashi not poison."

"I know that…it's just that usually you're at work at this time," Kakashi stated as he watched the other man place the tray on their bed, "Or you're not even home," Iruka winced.

"I know I haven't been around lately, well neither of us have, but I thought we could spend the day together," Iruka said, a little hopeful.

"I'd love to Iruka, but I have to see the Godaime," Kakashi checked the clock on their nightstand, "Great…I have ten minutes to get to the Hokage's office before that old bat decides to come and hunt me down." Kakashi grabbed one of the pieces of toast on the serving plate and started making seals.

"Kakashi wait," Iruka grabbed Kakashi's hands, dispelling the Jutsu, only to have the Jounin restart the seal sequences, "Would you stop it!" Iruka exclaimed.

"Iruka I'm sorry that I don't have time for this, but I have a mission to report."

"You're always working on missions Kakashi, can't you take a break?"

"Iruka, you work twice as much as I do at the academy and mission rooms,"

"That doesn't stop me from taking a break Kakashi," Iruka said sternly.

"Don't lecture me Iruka," Kakashi growled from his throat.

"God! You're impossible."

"That's right Iruka, I'm impossible to deal with," Kakashi said as he lightly slapped Iruka's hands away, "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to see Tsunade."

Iruka looked away from Kakashi, hoping that they would finally talk things through. All he heard was the slight pop from the Jounin's teleportation Jutsu. Today was going to be a shitty day…

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Kakashi looked through the mountain of papers in front of him, wishing he had stormed off to anywhere besides the Hokage's office. With all the paper work in front of her, the Godaime would not be in a good mood. A pissed off Tsunade was like facing the wrath of an irate Naruto…or possibly Sasuke. Kakashi would have paid his life savings to fate if it meant he could be at home with Iruka. In the Chuunin's arms, snuggly safe, but he knew that they were on separate paths in their lives. Both unable to accept the fact that they were slipping away from each other.

"What the hell did you do to yourself Hatake?" Tsunade shifted a stack of paperwork to get a better look at the Copy Ninja.

"Standard case of shuriken dodging gone wrong," Kakashi sheepishly mumbled under his breath as the Godaime healed the wounds on his forearms.

"Seems like you got careless to me," Tsunade smirked.

"Distracted actually, I've been thinking things over," The Godaime's smirk disappeared as Kakashi continued, "I want to rejoin ANBU."

"Absolutely not," Tsunade rested her chin on top of her joined hands as she leaned in to examine the shinobi in front of her, waiting for the angry outburst.

Luckily Kakashi was the type to stay calm even despite his rage, his so called angry outburst was nothing more than creased eyebrow matched with a glare.

"Why?" He asked after he noticed his death glare was being ignored.

"Because you're too emotional for the work right now, well for you that is." Tsunade leaned forward, getting into the Jounin's personal space, "You're exceptionally early handing in your report for this level of a mission, and normally you would have waited till well past noon. Something's bothering you."

Kakashi grunted, backing away from the Hogake. _Old hag is getting better at reading her subordinates._ "It's nothing, I'm just pissed off that you won't let me back into ANBU."

The blatant lie didn't faze the Hokage, "Spit it out Kakashi."

"Well…" Tsunade strained her ears, "I think my Dolphin likes to play with people that I do not know." Tsunade glared and considered that beating Jounins to death would not benefit her in the future. Kakashi's was one of the worst liar's she had ever met.

"Why don't you take a vacation Kakashi, spend some time with Iruka." Tsunade said, refraining from giving the Copy-Ninja the pummeling of his life, Hokages need subordinates to boss around after all.

"Um…" Kakashi stared at his feet, _Should I tell her…_

"Marital problems eh?" Kakashi froze, "All the more reason why you should go home and try to work things out with him, plus how often do Jounin's receive vacations?"

"Iruka and I haven't been…we just haven't," Kakashi stopped, not wanting to talk about his lover.

"Take it from someone who knows, you're going to have to work out your problems with Iruka sooner or later, or you might not have a chance at all." The lame lie made sense to the Medic now.

"I know…I don't think I can deal with confronting him…"

"I'll give you a week, if you still feel the same about rejoining ANBU, I will not stop you." Kakashi nodded, making his way to leave the room, "Kakashi…" The Jounin paused, "For your sake, please work things out with him."

Kakashi popped out of the room with a teleportation jutsu.

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Iruka knew that he should be home right now, but instead he was wrapped up in the muscular arms of a man he didn't love. A man he was using to comfort his aching heart. He was not even sure why he was there. He remembered being at home by himself. Wondering when Kakashi would return.

Dusk settled in, and still no sign of the Jounin. By that time, he knew that Kakashi would be coming home late, if he came home at all. _Another mission…_

Remembering all that had happened that morning, and not being able to resolve those feelings led the Chuunin to the only refuge he could find.

He could feel the hot breath of the man under him, the taut muscles underneath the naked skin, and taste the smoky tang of the other. Iruka could care less. A perfectly hot man next to him, and he could do nothing but think of Kakashi. What the Copy-Ninja was doing, was he safe…was he even alive?

"So I was thinking about next week," The other's voice rumbled next to Iruka's ear, snapping the teacher out of his reflections, "I was thinking that we could go to dinner together, you know…finally tell the world about us."

Iruka sighed, knowing that this would finally come, "You know that I can't do that, I'm still with Kakashi."

"You can have sex with me and still say that? You're a piece of work Iruka," The older man said, smirking to himself.

"Say whatever you will, you know that this is a temporary thing."

"Temporary until the day that Kakashi is actually willing to touch your body, to actually show that he cares about you," The man's frustration oozed, "Do you honestly think that lecher is still in love with you?"

"He is," The sharp response came.

"Kakashi does not love you Iruka, not like the way that I love you."

"I'm very sure about that," Iruka got off of the bed and started putting on his clothes.

"Are you leaving because I hit a nerve about Kakashi?" When Iruka said nothing to counter the jest, the older man smirked again, "So how do you know he's still in love with you?" He asked menacingly.

_I don't know_ Iruka almost blurted out, "I…"

Iruka was unable to finish as he was gathered into the arms of the older man, "I understand Iruka," The older man sucked on Iruka's earlobe, "You can't admit to yourself that your relationship is over, you don't have to say it out loud."

_It's not! Our relationship is not over!_ Iruka protested. He wanted to yell, refuse the man currently fondling him from behind. But he couldn't. _Kakashi…where are you?_ A silent tear escaped Iruka's glassy, pain filled, eyes.

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Kakashi kept his eyes trained on the bedroom window. His presence masked, he silently watched as his life was slowly unraveling. 

"What's your next move?" The small dog asked his master. Kakashi didn't answer.

"Pakkun…" The pug looked up expectantly at his master, seeing nothing but resolve in his eyes. "We'll be rejoining ANBU again."

The dog shuddered, the tone of his master's voice reminded him of the steely determination that the man was famous for. The voice of a man who has cut off all of his emotions, "Do you think that's wise?" The pug was beginning to regret ever tracking down the Chuunin for his master.

"Go tell the others to get ready, I'll need all of your help when the time comes." The pug was slightly insulted that his master didn't answer his question, but teleported back to his brothers and sisters with no rejections.

Kakashi continued to stare at the window, with each passing second his decision was solified.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Naruto Characters.

Rated M: cause.

A/N: Hah! I caught a very big error, it's fixed now...I should really proof read better. Feedback is greatly appreciated.

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He lay in his bed as if defeated. The warmth was beyond his reach. The inexplicable events had played themselves over and over in his minds eye. The images burned deeper as his Sharingan whirled mercilessly.

Kakashi idly wondered why his left eye was exposed, why it was burning his chakra. He could not remember ever revealing it, all he could remember were the people slipping from his life once again.

The gift that had once protected him in the heat of battle was now slowly torturing him with the clear images of those he once loved. The images of their deaths filtered in one after another in his minds eye. The memories before he acquired the Sharingan were being reborn, as if he were reliving the experiences.

_A beaten woman lay on the forest floor; her lifeless eyes staring blankly into the moon's eerie light. Kakashi willed his body to move closer to her, to save her. His weakness had caused her death. Rin, the last of his team, was dying in front of him and there was nothing he could do. _

Kakashi wondered what life would be like if he had reciprocated his teammates feelings.

_A golden haired man's violent outburst of chakra filtered into the air of war torn battle ground. _

A deep longing to speak with his sensei invaded his mind.

_A dark haired boy offering a precious gift as death approached._

He would have cursed his friend for giving him the Sharingan if it weren't for the fact that the blood limit was the reason he was alive._  
_

_A silver haired man lay bleeding to death on the kitchen floor, a pure white katana protruding from his abdomen. _

More than anything he wished that he had a family to rely on.

_Iruka wrapped around the arms of another man. Panting, groaning, and thriving underneath the other's touch._

Kakashi wretched, the acidy taste of bile stuck in his mouth. He let it sit there, he still cared enough not to let it escape into his mask.

All of Kakashi's worst experiences were attacking the Copy-Ninja, as if trying to get the man to realize how much his life sucked. A lesser man would have balled his eyes out. Kakashi settled on snuggling closer to his pillow. He wanted to sleep, but the bed he was in smelt of Iruka. The familiar scent was tainted with another's scent; however, Kakashi made no attempt to leave.

He could smell the other man now that he knew the scent was there. Kakashi felt like an idiot. There were so many clues, so many times to confront Iruka. Maybe he liked torturing himself. If he wanted to stop Iruka, he could have, but chose not to. Maybe this is what he really wanted, what they both wanted. Kakashi could have cared less at the moment. The practicality of the situation eluded him.

Everyone Kakashi cared for had left him, because of death, or more recently for another. He was utterly alone once again and it hurt. But he was used to it. He was made to be a recluse, always alone.

He could feel it; his senses were beginning to close into the depths of darkness. No tears would escape from his eyes, he refused to cry.

His bags were packed and the place he called home was stripped of his identity. Everything from then on would become about ANBU. No Iruka, no Kakashi, only the genius shinobi remained, the silent killer who made a name for himself in the deepest ranks of Konoha's top shinobi.

All he had to do was wait for Iruka to come home, so he could say goodbye.

His Sharingan stopped dead as he heard the front door open and shut. The memories ceased their attacks. Kakashi pushed the remaining feelings aside. Kakashi was dead. The only thing that remained of Kakashi was ANBU.

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Iruka stiffened as he entered his home, he could feel the pulse of a strong chakra coming from his bedroom. Kakashi was home and it felt like the man was waiting for him. Something was horribly wrong. The Chuunin could feel it.

The chakra called to Iruka, beckoning him to some unknown excruciating pain. Iruka idly wondered if all of Kakashi's opponents felt this. Iruka knew immediately that he had been caught.

It couldn't possibly be what Iruka thought, but as the man made his way to his bedroom he noticed all of Kakashi's novels were missing from bookshelves. The picture frames of Kakashi's team were no longer there. Even the magnets made to resemble Kakashi's Nin-dogs were gone from their places on the refrigerator.

Dread filled the man as he walked down the dark hallway.

What he expected to find in his room was a furious Kakashi ready to lunge at him and ripe out his throat. What he found was an unknown man in an ANBU uniform staring at him. The man's eerie canine mask glowing in the moonlight.

"I'm glad you're home," The man whispered.

"Ka…kashi?" The two stared at each other, both unmoving, neither spoke for awhile. Iruka was too shocked, why was Kakashi dressed like that? Why was Kakashi silent?

After awhile Kakashi pulled out a kunai and made a shallow cut into his thumb, enough to draw blood. Iruka remained silent as he watched the Jounin call his dogs. Watched him direct his dogs on several tasks, most of them were to deliver letters, but the silver haired ninja made one of the larger dogs drag a large suitcase out of the room.

"What are you doing Kakashi?" Iruka asked after the dogs had left the room.

"I'd have thought that was obvious," The man's voice made Iruka shiver. It was not the normal voice he was used to Kakashi using. The bored tone that had mirth and life hidden beneath was no longer there. It was like Kakashi was speaking through a filter that trapped all emotion. "I'm leaving."

Iruka's heart clenched. He choked as he attempted to speak.

"Mah…you don't have to kill yourself over something as trivial as this," Kakashi's calm voice filled the room. Iruka's stomach turned.

"What…why?" _He doesn't care about me_?

Kakashi didn't say anything; somewhere below his darkened soul lay his true feelings. Kakashi knew he could not hurt Iruka intentionally. For some off reason, he wanted to make Iruka feel it was his decision to leave. Not to hurt Iruka, but as a last ditch effort to comfort the man.

He walked slowly towards the man, whose tears were starting to fall. Laid his hand on the trembling shoulder and tightened his grip to consol the other man. "I'm leaving because I have rejoined ANBU."

"When…?" Iruka's voice cracked, "When did you decide this?"

"When?" Kakashi gave a hollow laugh, "Does that matter…"

Iruka tried to control his breathing, tried to control his emotions as the tears slipped away, tried to keep the semblance of what a ninja was. Like the man he was staring at through a porcelain mask. He failed miserably.

Iruka hands trembled as they snaked their way up to Kakashi's mask. He grabbed the ends of the ANBU mask, gripping it so tightly that Kakashi felt the wires holding the mask in place tighten painfully. "What do you mean 'Does that matter'?" Anger gushed from the Chuunin.

"Shut up," Kakashi vehemently knocked Iruka's hands away. He continued to walk away from the other man.

"…Kakashi," Iruka's pathetic plea escaped his throat, chocking on his sobs. "Please don't do this."

"Most people wouldn't be so heart broken over something like this Iruka…this adolescent drama…" Kakashi sighed, weary of how careful he had to be to prevent the shattering of the other mans heart. There was no need for both of them to be hurt beyond repair because of this. "You're better than this Iruka."

"Don't act like you know me Kakashi!"

"I asked myself as I watched you tonight," The Jounin, ever the spring of water to Iruka's burning emotions, whispered into the darkened home, "Why am I not angry…why am I not throwing kunai through that bastards windows? There were a lot of whys…then I remembered that this was my fault."

"Kakashi…you saw us?" Kakashi nodded, and Iruka froze. A mix of horror and realization stuck on his face.

"I came to an understanding," Kakashi cocked his head, as if he were giving Iruka a wide grin, "I want you to be happy. If that means me not being with you then I have to do what's right for me. Plus, a killer like me belongs in ANBU, not with school teachers."

"And you think that you'll find that in ANBU?"

"Of course, I was in ANBU before; it was where I belonged because I had no one on the outside to come home to. I'll return to the darkness if it means you'll ultimately be happy, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. My Iruka happy…" Kakashi's grin was becoming painful, to both men.

"Kakashi…why are you doing this…do you really think that this will make me happy?" Iruka asked desperately, his mind racing to figure out what lay beneath Kakashi's words. Kakashi couldn't possibly mean this self-abusing bull crap.

"There is no other explanation for it Iruka, I did not make you happy, so you went to someone else to fulfill something I could not give. Sure I could yell at you, hurt you in other ways, but I just don't want to." Kakashi was still smiling beneath his mask. "If there's anything I want Iruka, it's for this to end, let me go so I can keep my dignity," Kakashi hands started forming seals, "Also, be happy for me…Iruka." Kakashi cocked his head to the other side, giving another smile.

Iruka could see the man smiling underneath the porcelain mask, and hated him. Hated his kindness, hated his voice that still calmed him, despite the lack of life. Worst of all, he hated himself, the man who turned Kakashi back to ANBU. Iruka wanted to say something…something to stop the other man. But no words were working through the lumps in his throat.

Kakashi's attempt to be kind was crueler than any yelling or beating and it left the Chuunin speechless.

"Goodbye Iruka." Kakashi teleported, leaving smoke whispers in his wake.

Iruka dropped to his knees, the tears flowing harder as he screamed into the night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Naruto.**

**Rated M: Language...and other stuff.**

**A/N: Thank you everyone for your reviews, it makes my day everytime I get a new one. I stayed up till, looks at clock, 8am finishing this. Ignore the errors if you find any. Feedback is greatly appreciated. **

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"Iruka!" The man pounded on the apartment door for the tenth time, "I know you're in there!" The entire night had gone sour once Iruka had realized the time, and again in their short 'relationship' Iruka had bolted. "So help me I will kick this door down if you do not answer it!"

He raised his leg after a moment's pause and had to stop mid-thrust as the door opened a fraction. _The door was not locked?_ Feeling like a fool for yelling at an open door, he made his way into the apartment.

"Iruka?" He called out again. The lights were out, and a sickening feeling was creeping into his stomach. Something was definitely wrong. The home of Iruka and Kakashi felt disturbingly weird. Like someone had just died there. He half expected Kakashi to at least answer his calls, _that pervert would never realize his boyfriend's cheating on him with me. _But the fact that no one responded to his loud callings meant something had indeed happened to the couple.

As he neared the hallway he could barely hear the light sniffling rising in the air. He made his way to the room cautiously; he did not want to startle whoever it was. Nudging the door open with his foot revealed his 'lover' curled in his bed, quietly sobbing. The man's heart rejoiced.

"Iruka?" The chuunin snapped awake instantly, a small glimmer of hope crossed his face as his name was called, but frowned when he realized who was in the room. The other man ignored Iruka's brush off. "What happened here?" He could already guess what had happened, but he wanted a confirmation.

"You…were right." Iruka's whispers cracked horribly, so much that it was barely audible. "Kakashi left me."

"I always knew he would," The man whispered as he sat next to the defeated Chuunin.

"What do you know about Kakashi?" Iruka spat.

"I know that he does not appreciate you like I do, not if he let you go so easily."

"Shut up!" Anger roared into the already emotionally fractured man, "You weren't here! What Kakashi did was not easy, He saw us! And he left without doing anything to me, he was so nice…it was painful!" Iruka grabbed the other's shirt collar, desperately trying to get the other man to understand the situation. "I turned him back to ANBU! Do you know what that means?"

The other's eyes widened in surprise at Kakashi's actions, he never thought the Copy-Ninja would rejoin those ranks.

"It means he could die…and it's my fault," Iruka's grip loosened and the tears began to slip again.

"That was his choice," The other gathered Iruka and started to rub his back soothingly, "His mind was probably made up."

"I'm fine," Iruka pushed the comforts away. He rubbed the tears from his eyes and face, he felt like a child.

"Well at least we can start dating officially," He wouldn't let Iruka's cold actions dampen his spirits.

"No…" Before the other man could protest, Iruka continued, "I do not want to hurt Kakashi any more."

"Then why don't you try to getting him back?"

"Kakashi said to leave him alone…I can't," The tears were starting again, as was the smirk on the other man's face. "I wish I knew where he was… At least then I would know that he hasn't left for ANBU yet."

The man grabbed a cigarette from his pouch and lit it, "I can find him for you."

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"So…how long are you staying here?" Genma watched as Kakashi downed another shot of Sake.

"And then…" Kakashi's voice slurred, but it was still intelligible, one wouldn't know that he had consumed well past five bottles of the rice wine. "That old hag said I still had to wait till morning before I could go on any missions!" The good part was that his voice had some life in it once again.

When he had received a letter asking for a place to stay from Kakashi's Nin-dog, he hadn't hesitated to agree. It had been awhile since he had seen his friend, and he knew for a fact that Hatake wouldn't ask for a favor unless he really needed one. Genma knew how inseparable Kakashi was when it concerned Iruka.

So when Kakashi had shown up on his door, looking dead to the world, Genma had whipped out the alcohol. The man deserved the comforts of Alcohol at least, plus a stoic Hatake was never fun to be around.

"Answer the question Hatake," He poured another drink, "In retrospective; at least she let you back into ANBU."

"Yeah, yeah, my pale ass," Kakashi downed the beverage as Genma sighed. "Anyway, I'll be staying till I can get my own apartment." Kakashi had disposed of the shot glass, actually it was a tea cup, and had chosen to chug the bottle instead, "Not like I'll be using it all that often once the missions come in."

"I don't know, I use this apartment frequently enough." The blank stare coming from Kakashi caused Genma to sigh, "Don't tell me you forgot that I'm a squad leader for ANBU…"

"Is that so…?" Kakashi chugged down a few mouthfuls for Sake, "I can't remember the position you held since I left, oh well, must not have been very high up on the hierarchy if you've only made captain."

"I was not even in ANBU when you left…you baka." Genma sighed, Kakashi happily ignored the snipe as he reached for another bottle of Sake, "Che, like I'd want a lazy bastard like you on my squad anyway," Although the thought of the two of them on the same team wasn't that bad.

"Like I would want to be on your crap team," Kakashi flipped the other man off; he did not like being called a bastard.

"Good, you're useless anyway," Genma stuck his tongue out at the Copy-Ninja. A drunken Kakashi was definitely interesting.

"Least I don't look like a mule's ass!"

"That's not saying much considering you're butt ugly!"

"How would you know?" Kakashi scoffed, "You've never seen me without my mask." It was true, even now, when Kakashi was drinking with him, Genma could never get a glimpse of Kakashi's naked face.

"I know because you're the one that just got dumped!" Genma spat before he could catch the jest, Kakashi's expression turned to crest fallen, "I didn't mean that…" Sometimes Genma really felt like an idiot.

"It's okay, don't worry about it," Kakashi took long gulps from his drink. Then sighed when he realized that the bottle was empty.

"Want to tell me what happened?" Genma offered. Kakashi pathetically stared into the empty Sake bottle, ignoring the older man, hoping to find more of the precious alcohol left on the bottom, "No choice then," The special Jounin left the room.

"Genma…you drank all the booze!" Kakashi called after the man.

"I'll give you this," Genma said after a few moments passed, "If you tell me what happened tonight," The honey haired man held up a bottle of an expensive Sake brand, "It's imported from Tea Country, so it would be a fair trade."

"That's cheating…" Kakashi whined, it was a really good variety of alcohol, "Fine, you win, but I get a glass of that first." He reached for the wine, however Genma snatched it away.

"I'll serve the alcohol, you spill the info." All Genma needed was for the drunk to waste his precious Sake…he'd been saving it for a special occasion, "You're not getting more than three glasses of this, this costs half of my paycheck."

"I forgot you fight dirty," Kakashi huffed, but didn't hesitate to take the newly poured drink, "I left Iruka…because I do not deserve him…"

"Che, if you're going to be like that," Genma snatched Kakashi's cup, a feat he probably would not be able to do if the Sharingan bearer was sober, "You're going to have to be honest if you want this."

"I forgot how cruel you were…" Genma swore Kakashi was pouting, but couldn't tell because of that damn mask.

"Just tell me the truth and you'll get your alcohol back."

"But it is the truth!"

"Come on Kakashi," Genma scoffed, "You and I both know that is not true, Iruka is not the type to judge people like that. He falls hard, like you, he wouldn't leave you because of your self-pity."

"Damn you…" Bluffing wouldn't work on this one, "I don't know the truth of it myself," Kakashi's mood sobering up, "Why Iruka did what he did, but it had to be because of me, maybe he was mad that I had to take a lot of missions lately…or maybe he stopped loving me," Kakashi sucked his breath, like he'd just been stabbed.

Genma, too, held his breath, eager to hear what was troubling his friend.

"Iruka cheated on me," Kakashi muttered to himself. It hurt more to acknowledge the information than it did to dwell on, Kakashi realized, but it needed to be said. Then it would be real and not some messed up dream, "I must look like such a fool."

Genma settled the stolen cup down, shocked that Kakashi would admit what had happened, shocked that a mere Chuunin would betray the Copy-Nin's trust, and shocked by how defeated Kakashi looked.

There were many things that Genma did not know about his friend, but he knew that the silver haired man was capable of beating himself up for things that was not his fault. He also knew of the man's pride, although he was usually humble, Kakashi always held his head high. Being reduced to a state of an emotionless man to a pathetic drunk in less than ten minutes worth of drinking said that Kakashi was hurt. Hurt very deeply.

_I'm going to kill that bastard…_ Kakashi, not sensing Genma's inner cursing merely stole his cup back and downed its contents.

"Anyway, it won't matter once the missions come in, I don't plan to be around Konoha…"

"Do you know who Iruka was messing around with?" Genma demanded that someone pay for the way Kakashi was hurt, no one would dare say that Genma was not over protective of his friends.

"Mah…" Kakashi reached for the Sake bottle, "That doesn't matter." The special Jounin snatched the bottle out of Kakashi's range.

"Tell me or no more drinks for you."

"Dirty senbon sucking cheater," Kakashi cursed the man in front of him, and weighed the options: either tell Genma who he lost Iruka to, or no alcohol. Wasn't it enough that he gushed out what had happened? Now he had to tell the identity of the man who had cheated with his former lover.

"Kakashi?"

"You win…again" Kakashi wanted his alcohol, damn it, "It was…"

The door bell rang, _I'm going to murder whoever that is._ Genma excused himself to answer the door, annoyed by the interruption.

Opening the front door revealed a tall man smoking a cigarette, his scruffy beard making his young face seem menacing. _Okay…maybe I'll leave him alone for now_, messing with other Jounins was tricky business, Chuunins and Genins were much easier to murder on the spot. And fighting this Jounin would be a problem, considering he was a combat expert.

"Yo, Genma, has Kakashi been around here?" The man smirked with his cigarette, "Iruka sent me to find him. I figured this would be his first stop."

"Yeah, he's here Asuma, but he is a bit drunk at the moment," Genma was about to escort the man in, but stopped as a kunai was hurled dangerously close to his face.

"You missed, Kakashi." Asuma grinned as he held the kunai above his heart, Kakashi's target.

"You made a mistake trying to find me you asshole…" Kakashi pulsed with angry energy.

Genma ignored the growls that was coming from the silver haired man and tried to focus on why he was attacking his fellow Konoha ninja. Kakashi rarely got pissed off at anyone, and judging on how he was snarling at the other man; Kakashi was furious. This made no sense to the special Jounin.

"Don't bite off more than you can chew dog boy," Asuma fell into a combative stance, stepping inside of the apartment at the same time, his signature weapons already on his knuckles. Genma was missing something.

"Say that after I send your ass to hell," Kakashi held out his fist and the chirping of birds filled the room. Genma was definitely missing something…

The possibility of Kakashi using his Raikiri on his fellow Konoha ninjas was void, unless… the internal clogs in Genma's brain meshed as he figured out why this was happening. Kakashi would never attack a comrade, and said comrade would never goad Kakashi in the first place. That is, unless they were both interested in the same person. _Since when was Asuma gay?_ Genma idly wondered to himself.

"Die!" Kakashi roared, but stopped as he felt a sharp pain in his gut, "Wha…the…" Kakashi spat before he fell unconscious into the waiting arms of Genma.

"You're lucky he was wasted enough for me to get close enough to hit those pressure points Asuma," Genma sighed as hefted Kakashi into his arms.

"He would have lost anyway," Asuma chuckled, "Thanks for stopping him though, Iruka would have been pissed if I killed his boyfriend."

"Yeah whatever," Genma glared at the other man, "Sarutobi…you aren't welcomed here anymore."

"Because I started a fight with that drunk idiot?" The younger Jounin asked, curious as to why Genma was acting cold.

"Because you and Umino hurt someone I care about." Genma calmly approached Asuma, and calmly kicked the man, in the gut, and out of his house, "You can tell Iruka the same, kick him if you want." Then slammed the door as the other man rubbed his stomach painfully.

Genma sighed as he hefted Kakashi into a more secure position, "You cause me too much stress."

After some bouncing around his apartment, there were a lot of empty Sake bottles on the floor, one of those bottles being his prized imported wine, Genma was able to successfully make it to the guest room. He deposited the unconscious ninja onto the bed. He took off Kakashi's head band and jacket, but left the mask on. He was sure Kakashi would turn a Kunai on him if he sneaked a peek without asking.

Genma tucked the blankets closer to the, now slumbering, man, "I'm sorry…" He whispered into the other's ear, and lightly kissed the man's cheek. Genma ruffled Kakashi's head before creeping out of the room.

"Thank you," Kakashi's sleepy mumble carried in the air as Genma shut the door, the special Jounin heard the gesture.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Naruto.**

**Rated M: Language and intended… um, things.**

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I've just recently discovered One Piece. So of course I got obsessed with it. Please forgive me. But ZoroxSanji is…addicting. Anyway, feedback is greatly appreciated.**

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Despite all his wishing, after a time, Iruka learned that life would always go on after great tragedy. The unbearable seconds of not being able to breathe turned to minutes, then hours, days, a week. Life went on; he rose in the morning, went to teach, worked in the missions' office, avoided Asuma like the plague, and went home. All with a bright smile performing on his face, which was starting to disturb students and co-workers alike.

Apparently the world gave no heed to one Chuunin's heartbreak. _Heh…that's stupid._

Heartbreak was for the weak. In fact, a shinobi had no heart. They were born and raised to be emotionless tools for hire. And here he was, curled in a bed that smelt of Kakashi, feeling like the world was crushing him. The day would always end like this. His body wrapped in blankets, instead of flesh, feeling sorry for himself.

No matter how self berating he was, he wondered what had become of his former lover. Not the one who chain-smoked with a shit eating grin plastered on his face, but the one who was truly hurt. Iruka would have killed to know how the gray haired man was doing. However, according to Asuma, he was under threat not to approach the Copy-Ninja by a honey haired Jounin. Like he needed to be told.

'_If there's anything I want Iruka, it's for this to end, let me go.'_

Was all his ex needed to stay for Iruka to not approach him. In his mind, Kakashi's words translated into "Stay the hell away from me you cheating bastard."

He had silently promised to never break the Copy-Ninja's trust again. No more lies, no more Asuma, and no more Hatake Kakashi. Life sucked.

It would have been fine and dandy, but one constant had been showing to be really persistent as of late. 'Keep Asuma away,' was proving more difficult than Iruka had anticipated. Iruka would have figured that dumping the man would keep said man out of his life. It was a clear sign saying that it's over. But every day Iruka would be approached by Asuma, either passing in the streets, late night visits, or the worst, the chain smoker stalking him out at the mission room. Luckily it was easy to avoid the other man in public spaces, and when he was at home, Iruka simply locked the door and pretended to sleep.

Unfortunately sleep never came.

The beating of his front door was making sure of that. Jounin's never gave up and it annoyed Iruka to no end. Iruka wedged himself deeper into his bed, stuffed his pillows over his ears, and prayed the annoying man would go away. All he wanted to do was wallow in his self-pity in peace. Was that too much to ask? The stupid pounding on the door answered in a loud 'yes'.

The persistent knocks continued for ten minutes and Iruka was about to throttle the shinobi on the other side of his door. Huffing as he rolled out of bed, complaining about psychotic ninjas who needed to be locked in prison, and made his way to murder-answer the person at his door.

"Leave me alone you pervert!" Iruka yelled as he jerked the door, and turned a deep shade of red.

"There's no need to shout…" The girl standing in front of him, looking dangerously harassed, whined from the insults to her eardrums. _Bat-shit crazy Chuunins_… "I only came to check up on Kakashi-sensei."

"Ah! Sakura!" Iruka stuttered, he hadn't intended to make the girl mad. Her temper was just as bad, or worse, than Tsunade's rage, "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

"If living with perverted Jounin's makes people go insane…I think I'll stay a single," The girl muttered to herself, "Anyway, take me to Kakashi-sensei and we'll call it even."

"Um…" Iruka was not sure what information the Hokage was feeding to her apprentice, but he was sure that news of their break up would reach their leader's ear. Not that the two flaunted their relationship; however, they never kept it private to those who asked. And the Hokage asked a lot where it concerned her top shinobi.

"Why are you lingering?" Sakura's demand snapped the Chuunin out of reflections, "My Sensei is hurt, and I would at least like to treat his wounds before the night ends." Her angry inner self was beginning to show past the polite exterior, which only happened when those close to her were either making asses of themselves, or hurt.

"What do you mean he's hurt!" Iruka gawked.

"He hasn't been home?" Sakura fiery indignation flared, one would think an injured shinobi would return to their homes at least, not dilly-dally somewhere else, "I can't believe that lazy, perverted, man is screwing around while injured! That…" Before the string of insults could leave her lips, Iruka was dashing past her, "Hey! Where are you going?"

Kakashi was hurt, his Kakashi! No matter the circumstances, he believed in one thing. Promises could go to hell if it meant not seeing Kakashi while the man was bleeding to death somewhere. Iruka only prayed that the man had made it to Genma's residence before fainting…or worse.

Breaking another promise.

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"It was my fault really," Kakashi sighed as his student prodded the new bandages she had placed, making sure they would sustain for a couple days, "I overused the Sharingan again."

"When do you not overuse that eye?" The girl huffed, completely annoyed at everything and everyone. Not only was the man, currently in a near comatose state, hurt badly he was also lying. She was dying to ask him why he was here instead of at Iruka-Sensei's home. Why the man whom she knew from the Chuunin exams was barring the Teacher from seeing Kakashi. And why the injured man was doing nothing about it.

"I suppose you now know the reason why I left ANBU," Kakashi sighed, he could feel the girls hidden curiosity which turned into hidden rage, "I'll be fine, I've dealt with this before." And really…he would. Chakra depletion was nothing to laugh at, but it was not deadly as long as he was in a safe place. Genma was making sure of that.

A loud crash resounded through the tiny room, followed by, "Let me see him!"

Kakashi bolted upright at the sound of Iruka's voice, and hissed as his stitches stretched.

"Idiot!" Sakura slammed her sensei back into a prone position, not noticing the whimper that escaped the man, "You're going to ruin my hard work if you do that. I do not feel like patching you up again!" She ignored the grappling of the two men just outside the doorway. Right now she was a doctor, not particularly a miracle worker that the Hokage was, but decent for someone who only started studying the craft only recently. She was going to beat the crap out of the other shinobi despite her medical ninja instincts. Kakashi did not need to be disturbed, and obviously the hidden scuffle was doing just that.

Kakashi glared wearily at the closed door. The mission was supposed to be simple. Infiltrate a highly secured building in a neighboring country, steal some documents, and get the hell out. He was able to avoid the traps, dogs, and guards, but he had stupidly tripped a wire because of an illusion. One he didn't want to elaborate in his mind, but he could have sworn that one of the guards bore a strong resemblance to…well…

That had led to his hand slipping on a small wire wrapped around the mission's documents. Which led to a lot of kunai, shrunken, explosive tags, offensive jutsu's, and whatever else that facility had in store, all aimed at him. So now he lay in the borrowed bed of his friend…listening.

…Listening to the rants of a pink-haired girl, the barely contained yells of two overprotective shinobi, and the thundering of his heart.

Kakashi really hadn't expected for Iruka to come. Not so soon, not after what he, himself, had done to the poor Chuunin. Putting each other through hell was never a good thing. However, Iruka had come to Genma's demanding to see Kakashi. Iruka should be with that…asshole. Happy with his life, but he was here. Yelling and fighting with someone who could over power him in seconds. Worry was the only thing Kakashi could do.

"I'll be right back," Sakura said as she patted the older man's shoulder, as if she could sense his inner turmoil.

Kakashi relaxed as he heard the girl yell at the two, much older, men about patients, immaturity, and trips to the hospital via sharp objects. At least now he knew Iruka wouldn't be killed by the special-Jounin in the other room, although death by medical apprentice was not much better.

Sakura swiftly returned to the room, muttering "Idiotic ninja antics." She huffed as she knelt down to inspect Kakashi's injury's further. Nothing new needed to be tended to, well physically. "Iruka-sensei seemed pretty desperate to see you…"

"Un," was Kakashi's intelligent response, he didn't feel like spilling his guts to his student. He had already divulged that particular information one too many times.

"You don't have to tell me what's happened between you two," Sakura said as she made herself inspect the other man again. She needed an outlet for the nerves that suddenly overtook her, asking her sensei for personal information was always nerve racking, "One day I hope that you would be able to trust me with this sort of thing, till that day, I'm content to just being here for you…" _Like you were for me_, went unsaid.

The girl was sweet, but he suddenly wished that she was gone. Not because he did not appreciate her words. But the feelings that she was bringing out of him was too much, far too soon. To be wanted and trusted, to be needed by another again, so soon after giving up those feelings to a life of empty death.

"Well, if you excuse me, I need to get home before my mother decides to ground me for doing my duties." She rolled her eyes at the thought, "Don't let this eat you up, Kakashi-sensei." She smirked. The girl had always been good at feeling others out, whenever it did not concern her life crush, or her eternal rival.

_Brat_… Kakashi thought as he drifted to sleep.

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"I pushed some chakra into his system, so he should be fine in a couple days," Sakura explained at the front door, "But make him rest for a week; five days at least, he needs the rest."

"He's not going to like that…" Genma sighed, "Well, thank you for looking after him Sakura-chan."

"I enjoy the work," The girl beamed, "Besides, he's my sensei, there's a lot I would do for him," The feeling was mutual to both parties. Sakura turned, casting a weary eye over the remaining shinobi, and left with a polite goodbye. "And make sure he drinks plenty of none Sake related fluids!" She yelled over her shoulder.

"There, he's fine," Genma spat to the Chuunin once the girl was out of hearing range, "You can leave now."

"Knowing he's fine and seeing that he's fine is different," Why was Genma being so difficult with him. He'd practically tackled him as soon as he entered the other man's apartment. All he wanted to do was check on Kakashi.

"I'll make sure he's taken care of," Genma glared at the younger man, "Unlike you."

"What do you have against me?" Iruka spat, he was tired of the accusing stares he was receiving.

"You heard me, Kakashi would never have been in this position if it was not for you. If you had paid more attention to him you would have noticed how far gone he was…but no you had to go and screw around with someone else."

Iruka paled…not knowing that the news about how he and Kakashi had broken up was public knowledge. He did not blame Kakashi for telling anyone about what had happened he just never assumed Kakashi would.

"You're a selfish bastard, and I don't welcome people like you into my house." Genma growled.

"You…you weren't there…" Iruka stuttered out.

"I did not have to be to know who the asshole is. Now get out…" The threat was quiet, but the rage beneath it spoke volumes, "I won't let anyone hurt Kakashi, not after the way you fucked up."

To Iruka, Genma's overprotective ways was threatening his brain to a revelation, something that did not quite fit. A friend could be protective, but this sort of attitude was bordering on insane. Like a madman clinging to a precious possession. Like someone who had fallen in…

"What are you gawking at!" Genma was at Iruka's side in a flash of anger, gripping the other's vest in a tight grip, "Get out or I'll throw you out."

"Go ahead," Iruka smirked. He could play games too, "I'm sure Kakashi would love to hear you threw out his ex because of your jealousy."

Genma's grip tightened, "What are you playing at Umino?"

"You're hiding it well, but he'll see it sooner or later," Iruka hoped his voice was not shaking, he at least wanted to appear like he was in control, "The truth is you aren't angry at me for hurting Kakashi, but that I was the one who got to him before you could sink your greedy claws into him."

Genma's blind anger made his body react much faster before he could think. He barely registered the brief pain in his fist as it connected with Iruka's face, not caring where he struck as long as the bastard felt pain.

Iruka crashed into the couch that he was roughly pulled from. His mind was reeling from the pain. His teeth, jaw, hell his whole face was on fire. This was inevitable, he was asking for the attack. Although his face felt like it had been run over by a stampede, he smirked because he'd riled up the other enough to show his true colors.

"Don't smile!" Genma was on the Chuunin, his body straddling the other to prevent escape, "Hurting Kakashi is not funny!"

Hurting Kakashi was the last thing Iruka had on his mind. He didn't mind that coppery blood was washing over his tongue, or that he could barely move his jaw line. Right now he was relishing the fact that someone was finally punishing him. For hurting Kakashi…if the Copy-Nin did not do it himself, the next best thing was the shit eating bastard who was crushing on said ninja.

Genma raised his fist, gathering chakra. He would enjoy this, beating the other man into nothing. So Iruka could feel what he had done to Kakashi.

Iruka waited for the blows to come, closed eyes. The fiery pain from the previous blow was numbing already, he wanted more. But it never came, the only thing he felt was the shaking of his body, and the body on him. "Aren't you going to hit me?" Iruka asked, opening his eyes, blanching at the sight in front of him…

Kakashi's arms were wrapped firmly around Genma's torso, his pastel hands trapping the other's fists, stopping the attack from happening. "Stop this," The pale man whispered gently into the other's ear.

"Kakashi…why?" Genma shuddered out, the man's heated body pressed against his own.

"An eye for an eye," Kakashi gently pulled himself and Genma off of Iruka's prone body, "You stopped me from making a stupid mistake, I'm simply repaying the action." He would have collapsed but Genma quickly supported his body with a strong arm under his shoulder.

Iruka shook indigently, he hadn't wanted to be saved, and yet he had, "Kakashi you…"

"You should leave Iruka," Kakashi spoke softly, not even looking at the defeated man, "Can you help me back to my room Genma? I can't move." Kakashi said as he gestured, with his eyes, to his now lifeless body.

"Sure," Genma replied softly. He was still shacking from the adrenaline rush, but he guided the other man as smoothly as he could, wary of the other man's unhealed body. How Kakashi had even got out of bed and stopped an able bodied man's attack was unthinkable to the special-Jounin. He did not want to stress the other man anymore than he already had.

Iruka, ignored after being dismissed, watched the other two as they made their way into the dark room. It hurt more than Genma's punch. This is what Kakashi wanted, he reminded himself. His heart clenched as he quietly slipped out of the apartment.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Naruto. **

**Rated: R, for implied situations and language.**

**A/N: Again, sorry for the delay. I've been getting sidetracked by several things. A One Piece fic idea, One Piece fanfiction, and KH II! And Fays, since begging usually leads to me caving…bribing will do? Feedback is greatly appreciated, I think I'll need a lot of constructive criticism after this chapter. x.x **

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Iruka droned a silent mantra that he was not feeling this unexplainable jealousy coursing through his veins. Kakashi was no longer his to hold. No longer would he be entwined in the sinewy and pale limbs of the other man. That part of his life was over. There was no longer a relationship to salvage. Genma was already moving in on the silver-haired man, and that infuriated Iruka.

Kakashi was his! The overworked calloused hands which were once soft and delicate belonged to him. The same for the gravity defying hair, the hard muscles underneath his lithe form, and his stupid obsessions for porn, everything of the other man belonged to Iruka!

But Iruka owned nothing now. Kakashi was on a different path in his life and Iruka had lost everything. Because he could not quell a pain on his own. All of Kakashi was lost because a few nights of passion, that he couldn't even remember! What inspired those nights of perspiration and lust, he could not explain to anyone…

Except that the pain which drove him to the arms of Asuma was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. A sense of betrayal from the man he loved. Iruka was satisfied with the knowledge that Kakashi had left him, he had deserved as much. However for the Copy-Ninja to move on to another lover so soon… _Kakashi must think nothing of me._

Kakashi had bounced back from the same heart break as Iruka in such a small amount of time, only seven days, compared to the Chuunin. Who would no doubt suffer for the remainder of his sad, pathetic life, it only showed the difference in the two men. One a heartless shinobi and the other a sentimental fool who did not know how to let go. Although Iruka had justified Kakashi's new love life in his mind, it still hurt.

Hurt because Iruka had believed he meant more to Kakashi than a meaningless sex toy. _It was nothing more than a game_... that bastard!

In all of his anger, Iruka found himself in front of a familiar apartment. A home that he avoided, that brought pain, and that he could not help but be drawn to. Despite all of internal warnings Iruka knocked the door. Nerves bunching up in his stomach and chest, he was not even sure what he was going to do when that despicable man answered his door. The only thing he knew was that he was pissed off and that he needed an outlet for that fury.

"Iruka?" The man stared, a little dumb struck, but only for a moment as he realized the man had came to him, and not the other way around. "Came to play the horny teacher this time?" The other mocked slightly, the smug smirk tugging at his lips as he leaned on his front door.

Iruka grabbed a fistful of Asuma's tang top, nearly ripping it off in his blindness. "Shut the hell up," He whispered dangerously before attacking the Jounin's lips. The all encompassing warmth that spread through him in that instant was all at once absorbed into his hungry body. He had wanted this for so long, it did not matter that it was not Kakashi. As long as it was someone Iruka was content.

Asuma gathered the Chuunin into his arms and guided the man into his home. Stalking the man was finally playing out the way he wanted. He only had to wait for the teacher to crack, and he was glad the man did. The man groaned into his mouth and Asuma pushed away the thoughts that Iruka might consider this a one time thing only. He was a patient man; the Chuunin would learn his place sooner or later.

Hours later, after Iruka's dry throat uttered its last strangled cry, his back arching painfully; he was able to rest with a clear mind. Again he was in the bed with this chain smocking bastard of a Jounin, for nothing more than a couple hours worth of sex.

He wished that the man beside him was born with gray hair, that he would shave off that ridicules facial hair, shrink his frame so he was lean rather than bulky, and that he would quit smoking those death sticks filled with nicotine.

He missed Kakashi terribly in that moment, and wondered if Kakashi was in the same predicament as he was. _Yeah fucking right... _Kakashi was probably happily ramming himself into Genma, oblivious to the world.

_Although that would be hell on his injuries_, The Chuunin chided himself.

Asuma snorted in his sleep, snapping Iruka out of his thoughts, reminding the teacher that this was the last place he wanted to be. Asuma could wake up alone; the man had been doing it since they started sleeping together anyway.

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Kakashi sighed for the umpteenth time that night, wishing that people would just let him sleep so he could get back to his missions. But a certain special-Jounin was watching him like a hawk. Kakashi did not know why, but it was starting to creep him out a little. If he weren't so tired, he would have thrown the other man out, just for staring too much.

"Can I help you with something?" He asked tired, his patience getting the better of his self control.

"Oh…err," _busted_… Genma's cheeks blushed slightly at being caught off guard, "I was trying to figure out how to thank you for earlier," He lied quickly, "I do not think Tsunade would appreciate me killing one of her Chuunin's."

"Un," Kakashi agreed, hoping that Genma would take the hint. He really wanted to be left alone.

"So…did you pull anything?" Genma asked, worry spread across his features.

"Nothing important."

"How did you manage that?" The short responses he'd been getting from Kakashi were beginning to chew at his conscience. "Stopping a full on attack with stitches and chakra depletion is not exactly a ball park."

"I just did,"

"Ah of course," Genma scoffed, "The great Copy-Ninja would never let a few set backs such as injuries stop him for long," He chided, or rather rambled. Genma knew he was stalling because Kakashi would eventually ask him why he had attacked Iruka. Although it was making his chest pound uncontrollably, Genma was hoping Kakashi would ask.

"Well…I would like to sleep some time tonight," Kakashi rolled over, facing away from Genma, his injured sides screaming in protest.

"Aren't you going to ask me?" Genma's tentative, and slightly hurt voice whispered into the darkness.

"Ask you what?"

"About tonight…why I acted so childishly."

"Not really, I want to sleep," Kakashi deadpanned.

"What kind of half ass response is that!" Genma bristled and kicked the small of Kakashi's back, annoyed at the lack of caring from the stoic ninja. Kakashi sat up, little whimpers of pain escaping the younger man's lips, "Oi…you shouldn't be moving."

"We should do this properly if you want to be questioned so badly," Kakashi, with a tentative hand, lightly caressed Genma's cheek, cupping his hand over high cheekbones and a strong jaw line, "Was there truth behind Iruka's words?"

Genma's stomach clutched tightly, Kakashi was touching his face…in a none-platonic way. The man he pined over for far too long, whom he stood a chance with now that he was single, and whose strong hands were gently stroking his face. Like he was made out of rice paper. Genma could only nod into the warmth that was spreading over his cheek.

"You're a sweet guy Genma," Kakashi sighed as he lowered his hand, "But you should fine someone else to become involved with." It would have been easy to accept the feelings pouring over him, from the very sincere Jounin. However, he did not want to deal with another relationship…not ever. It would do nothing but hurt Genma.

"And if I refuse to find someone else?" Genma shook, his control breaking.

"That's your choice," This would be harder than he had originally thought, "I would like to get some sleep now." Kakashi uttered, hoping Genma would leave so he would not have to make it hard for the both of them.

"You're an ass…giving someone who just spilled their guts to you nothing more than the shit you call a conversation," Genma snapped, "At least have the guts to say how you really feel!"

"What do you want me to say Genma?" Kakashi whispered back, he really did not want to do this, "You want me to say 'I love you,'…'sweep me off my feet,' or any other cheesy love story crap they write into bad movies?" He pushed his mask down, and took Genma's chin in a firm, but weakening grip, Kakashi pressed his lips onto Genma's, glaring into the other's eyes. Eyes set on proving that he only held respect and friendship for the special-Jounin.

"You do not deserve a lie." Kakashi whispered after their lips parted.

"I…" God! He could feel Kakashi breathing on him, and it was distracting, "I…I don't give up easily," Although, as the emotionless eyes bore into his own, Genma was beginning to wonder if he was starting a fight that had no chance of him winning.

"Do what you want," Kakashi sighed, thinking that his plan had failed, "But let me sleep."

After Genma left the room, Kakashi's mind raced for a plan, he didn't sleep that night. He waited for the birds to start their morning chatter, for the golden light of morning to filter into his room. At least he had a plan…even if he had paid a night of sleep for it.

Kakashi waited a good hour after the sun rose before crawling to his medical pouch. He had to find his damn soldier pills. Letting out a sigh of relief as he found the small bottle at the bottom of his bag, he took the pill and crushed it with his teeth. He staggered to his feet, the small chakra burst steadying his depleted body. He would have to leave on more missions in between looking for a new apartment. He wouldn't have minded staying with the honey-haired man for a bit longer. But he could not risk it.

Genma deserved better than he was worth. With that thought in mind, Kakashi made his way to the Hokage's office. He'd sleep on her desk if he had to wait for that old broad to get her ass to work. His stride steadied as he made his way to the Hokage's office, he only hoped that he did not look as shit faced as he felt.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Naruto. If I did, I'd be able to speak Japanese fluently. **

**Rated R: Implied adult situations, language.**

**A/N: Finally! This chapter is done. There's only about three to four more chapters left for this fic, I think. Anyway, Feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**Always Alone Chapter 7**

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_Ninety-one…_

_Ninety-two…_

_Ninety-three…_

_Ninety-four…_

He counted the man's shortened breaths.

_Ninety-five…_

This man was taking his time to die.

_Ninety-six_…

The footfalls and panicked shouts reach Kakashi's ear, the guards had caught on to his infiltration…_great._

A shurikan whizzed past his face, barely missing the porcelain mask. Kakashi was faced by a brown haired man, who was now barreling towards the Copy-Ninja at a dazzling speed. Before he could utter a single jutsu, Kakashi, found a kunai lodged into his shoulder…

_Just…great…_

Kakashi slashed at the enemy ninja, probably a guardian shinobi, successfully slitting the man's throat. Although he was vaguely aware that he had aimed for the man's chest. That fact didn't matter.

The man's tanned skin didn't matter, the scar that ran horizontally across his sharp nose, the deep brown hair that was tied up in a messy pony-tail. All of it did not matter, Kakashi told himself. He had done his job, he had completed his mission. He had murdered the man for the better of his country.

At least that's what he chanted in his mind.

Despite all of which his brain knew Kakashi could not help the loud thundering in his chest, the sudden tightening in his throat. He felt sick, would have thrown up if he had anything in his stomach.

He turned towards his target. The man who could barely breathe because of the kunai's lodged in his pathetically weak body. Kakashi was supposed to confirm his death, it was in his mission objectives, but he couldn't bring himself to wait for the man to die. He did not want to stay in that stale room when someone was bleeding to death, _dying_, next to his target.

Someone who looked just like…

Kakashi grabbed the remainders of his explosive tags and tossed them over the soon to be corpses of his enemies.

He teleported out of the room, tore off his mask and heaved into the wild forest that surrounded the estate. As his stomach acids were violating his throat and mouth, the mansion blew up in a marvel of fire, wood, and human flesh.

Once the violent wrenching of his stomach had stopped, Kakashi spat into a nearby shrub, and made his way home. He pondered on why he was even heading there in the first place, he should be avoiding it all costs. Not because he did not want to see his birthplace, but he knew that he had messed up.

'_Only kill the target daimyo, everyone else is to be spared except those who get in your way._'

Was a distinct mission objective, and here he had blown the whole place up because he could not handle his own emotions. What kind of shinobi was he? Kakashi felt sick all over again. He had just wiped out an entire family…innocents…

_Love_

She was just going to love this. The Hokage was going to ripe him a new spleen once he got to her office. He had botched his mission, as an ANBU operative and as one of Konoha's top shinobi. He could feel her wrath. It was a testament to her reputation because he hadn't even crossed the gates that led into the village.

Things had been going so well too, he was getting his missions done with relatively a small amount of injuries, and in record time too. But with this slip up, he'd probably be kicked out of ANBU. The mental instability of it all…screwing up a mission because of some illusion. It had not happened, it was not real, he was just imagining things.

He was going to need to get nice and drunk later…if only to forget.

Kakashi wrapped his newly damaged shoulder with bandages, cursing himself as he made his way on a dirt path to his home. The heavy night clouds released its rain onto the Fire Countries' forests.

_Just fucking great…_

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"HATAKE KAKASHI!" The man grimaced as the onslaught, a sheer whine of the medical expert's throat, met his ears. "What the hell were you thinking!"

"That you yell too loud," He deadpanned, knowing that he was in deep over his head, but not caring. He was wet, bloodied, and had mud in uncomfortable places. If she was going to punish him, then let her; however, he was not going to sit still and be lectured like a child.

"Cheeky brat…" A slight sign of a throbbing vein made its way to the Godaime's brow, "You killed everyone in that mansion! That was not part of our deal with Stone…do you have any idea how many important figures were in there? Or did you just decide to make your job easy and kill everyone instead of one man?"

Kakashi, being a man of intelligence and not one to make a fool of himself, decided to do the best he could in the present situation and did what he usually did whenever he was in a tight spot.

He lied.

"Ah…you see…my hip pouch containing over fifty explosion tags fell onto the target while I was using my chakra to hang above his bed, I barely had time to teleport out of there." He chuckled a little, even as he saw that Tsunade's eyebrow was twitching violently, which almost made him laugh some more…almost.

"Idiot!" Tsunade chastened. She paused, counted to ten, and released a heavy sigh, "Luckily…Stone has confirmed that the others in that dwelling were also targets for future missions. Although they were not to be killed by us specifically, Stone is grateful that they are not obliged to pay us for the additional targets."

"Tsunade-sama, that's-" Shizune all but yelled, but was silenced by a glare from the blonde woman.

"Anyway, I've found you an apartment like you requested." She tossed a set of keys to Kakashi, "It's near the Jounin complex, but far away enough not to be bothered by anyone."

Kakashi glared at his leader, wondering what the old bat was up to, but muttered his appreciation nonetheless.

"Now that my part is complete, you will uphold our deal, Kakashi?"

"Of course," Kakashi gave a bow and disappeared from the room.

"Tsunade-sama, what was that about?" Shizune asked after Kakashi vanished, "You and I know very well that Stone was outraged to hear the news of the deaths in that household."

"Do not worry yourself about it," Tsunade cracked a grin towards her assistant, "I took care of it, as far as Stone knows, Kakashi found that place destroyed and that the culprits are unknown. They are pissed off, but no one will find out that Kakashi was connected to this incident."

"He killed blameless people…he needs to be reprimanded."

"Remember this Shizune," Tsunade began to fill out her papers to distract herself, "Humans are fragile…no matter the power that they can wield, the destruction they can cause, the wonders that they can accomplish. In the end, we're all weak. Kakashi is no different."

"But Hatake-"

"Is probably putting himself through more hell than I could," Tsunade huffed, "He might act like an emotionless pig but he's still a man with genuine emotions, trust me, Hatake has more going on than we could understand. It's best to leave him be." She sighed, putting the conversation to an end. As the Godaime she was forced to use her shinobi as the village deemed fit, however, it was still hard to see her fellow villagers destroy themselves.

To endure, to lead, to be a quiet observer was the price of being the Hokage.

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Kakashi had just sent his Nin-dogs with the last of his luggage, when he felt a strong burst of chakra enter the room. He had wanted to avoid the other man, at least until he could sort out the mess that was his emotions.

"Leaving without saying goodbye?" In a swirl of smoke, Genma appeared. His face was cloaked into a tight frown, shadowed by the dim lighting.

"Not quite, I was going to wait till you returned before leaving."

"Oh… I could have helped with the packing," The special-Jounin sighed, "At least have dinner before you go then."

"No can do," Kakashi scratched the back of his head, why was he so nervous, "My dogs will have a fit if I eat before them."

Genma's face dropped, his expression somber, "Why are you avoiding me?"

_Ah_… Kakashi remembered.

He felt guilty.

"If you hated me so much, at least be man enough to admit it…" Genma stared at the floor of his apartment, "It's better than being ignored…"

"Oi…" Kakashi sighed and steeled his resolve, "Stop being such a woman."

"What!" Genma blinked, insulted at the thought.

Kakashi slapped Genma's back before he slung his arm over the man's shoulders, "Just because I'm moving does not mean we won't be friends."

"That's not what I'm talking about Kakashi."

"I know," The silver-haired man released his semi-hug, "But you already know my answer to that."

"I never stood a chance…" He sniffed, his pride getting the better of him, "Did I?"

Kakashi smiled, the only way he could with his mask, the way that made his eyes dance.

It made Genma's soul swoon.

"Nope," Kakashi thumped the back of Genma's head, just to get under the man's skin, "but at least now you can move on…I've got to get to my apartment to make sure that the dogs don't tear it up."

"Un," Genma's slight response came, Kakashi barely heard it.

"Genma…" He whispered into the other man's ear, "Take care of yourself."

Kakashi disappeared from the room.

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The last of his students left his classroom as fast as they could, eager to play and be done with their ninja studies. Iruka sighed. It had been a long day. Three students were almost impaled by accident, two actually were impaled by stray kunai's, and worst of all, that brat Konohamaru had set off a paint bomb in one of the hallways. The little prankster had paid for it though, and that made Iruka smirk at the thought of the terror's disgust at cleaning the entire mess by himself.

Life had gone on normally. He was still depressed, despite his rendezvous with the chain-smoking Jounin. The release of sexual frustrations is what he needed, even if it made him sick after.

He had avoided the other man again and thankfully, strangely, Asuma had stopped his constant stalking. This left Iruka more time to think of other things, rather than a good hiding spot.

Like his fridge was rather empty, he'd have to go to the store after he was done grading. And he needed to get over that silver-…that man. Iruka sighed, he had just gotten to grading the quizzes he had passed out earlier that week, and he was already distracted. If his habits pulled through again, he would not get any work done for the rest of the night.

He'd have to go shopping, go home and sleep. Other wise he'd be thinking about that man.

His hair, his scent, his sculpted body, and the way he groaned every time he ca…

_Stop it Iruka!_

Shopping, he needed to go shopping. Iruka gathered his things and exited his class, eager to get through the rest of his day. He opened the academy's main doors and moaned as the heavy rains gusted into the newly cleaned hallways, Konohamaru would have a fit the next day.

Once he had left the food market, heavy grocery bags in his arms, he made his way home, soaked to the bone because of the heavy showers that were pelting on his village.

Iruka kicked his front door open, he was grumpy and wet. He kicked off his sandals as he entered his darkened home, not wanting to get mud on his floors.

He would have gone straight to bed if it weren't for the prospect of cleaning his sheets the next day, he was a workaholic by nature, but that did not mean he enjoyed doing his house chores. He threw his, now ruined, groceries onto his kitchen counter and began putting them away, not caring that he was dripping puddles on his kitchen floor.

Shivering slightly, he retreated to his bedroom, heading straight to the adjoining bathroom, by-passing the strange tobacco smell that was latent in his room. His only thought was to get dry.

He never saw the strong hands wrap around his neck and mouth, successfully cutting off his surprise. Iruka was thrown to his bed, and his air supply left him as a large body landed and straddled his hips.

"What-" Iruka got out before digits wrapped around his throat, slowly cutting off his oxygen. He fought, weakly, against the pressure building around his neck, trying to pry the offender off of his neck, but both of his hands were captured in the vice-grip of the other man's free hand.

"Miss me, my dear Iruka?" A raspy voice ground out as the grip around Iruka's throat tightened. Iruka could only gargle as his life was slowly being drained from him, "Oh…you can't answer while you aren't breathing, sorry, I forgot."

Iruka coughed and heaved once the grip had slackened enough for air to get into his lungs. The man above him leaned in, the heavy air of smoke and alcohol filled his senses as the man panted in his face.

"A…Asuma?" He ground out, his voice straining from the assault.

"Why have you been avoiding me Iruka?" The man spat into the Chuunin's face, "I've been waiting for the shit you call brains to kick in, you should realize by now that your place is with me." Asuma released his grip on Iruka's throat and went straight for Iruka's crouch.

"What are you doing!" Iruka had meant to yell, but it came out as a whimper.

"I'm taking what's mine," Asuma said as he cupped the sensitive area of Iruka's pants, "You're a slut anyway, I'm sure you won't mind."

Iruka's mind raced, why wasn't he performing any seals, why wasn't he trying to kick this bastard off of him? There had to be a reason behind Asuma's craziness, but nothing could explain the lust in the other man's eyes. For the first time since coming up against the Kyuubi, something in Iruka stirred…

He was terrified.

It was the attack all over again, he was rooted and unable to do anything. Except instead of a demonic beast rampaging his village, it was some bastard Jounin trying to ravage his body.

Iruka bucked his hips and strained against the grip on his hands, his body was finally reacting to the man's advances.

"Get the hell off you bastard!" The demand was weak because of his voice, but the death intent was still there. He was a shinobi, he wouldn't let this happen without a fight.

"Shut up!" Asuma's fist came out of nowhere and Iruka's head snapped to the side as the man's attack connected with his jaw, "You do not get a say in this you whore." Asuma ground out as he started to fiddle with Iruka's pants buckles.

Iruka's head reeled, the throbbing never subsiding as he felt Asuma's continuing advances…he'd have to think fast to get out of this. If only his head would stop spinning.

"Why are you doing this?" Iruka choked out.

"Because," Asuma licked his lips, an evil sneer painting his features, "I love you."

_I love you!_ What kind of bullshit is that, Iruka reeled as he felt Asuma's hands roam over his body, like a hawk closing on its prey…_Think Iruka_! He needed to get out of this, get away from this bastard, or kill him. Iruka did not care which.

"Well…" Iruka bucked his hips, trying to get the attention of the man to stop his groping, "If you love me, kiss me."

"Such a whore," Asuma smirked, but lowered himself to Iruka's level to capture the man's lips.

_Now!_

Iruka aimed, and head-butted Asuma, cracking the man's nose. Iruka hoped he had broken it, but didn't have time to revel in his successful attack.

"You little fuck!" Asuma roared, he slammed his fist into the Chuunin's face, but was met with the softness of the bed beneath him.

Iruka followed his Kawarimi jutsu with a round-house to the side of Jounin's temple. If it weren't for Asuma being drunk and pissed off, the attack would never have hit, but it had, Iruka's kick sending the other man into a dresser. Iruka did not waste time, he did not bother to check if the other man was still conscious, he crashed through his bedroom window. The glass shattered under his weight, and he vaguely felt the shards pierce the skin on his back and his face. He did not care. He was already running down the streets of Konoha.

He had to get to someplace safe, anywhere…he had to find someone.

He had to find Kakashi. Iruka flared out his chakra and began searching.

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Kakashi had settled into his newly sheeted bed, it was soft and comfortable. He was just about to doze off when a pounding on his door jarred him from his half-asleep state. He stumbled across the small apartment, blindly making his way to the door, stumbling a few times because he hadn't memorized the small space and he could barely see in the dark.

"Just a minute," Kakashi said as the battering of his door became louder, Kakashi sighed as he opened the door, visibly paling at the sight that met him.

Iruka was battered, his shirt was ripped, parts of his face were bleeding, as was his bare feet, and worst yet the man was physically sobbing. His whole body was trembling as the sobs overcame him; Although, it was more out of relief of finding the Copy-Ninja, than the ordeal that he had gone through over a couple hours ago.

Kakashi mentally chastised himself as he stared at Iruka…_get a hold of yourself…baka_. He gently pulled the sobbing man out of the rain, "Stay here," He gently whispered as he ran to grab a few towels and a blanket.

Iruka shivered, despite the warmth of the man's home. He had expected to find Kakashi at Genma's, but following the white chakra pattern that was only Kakashi had led him away from Shiranui's. Far away, apparently, because his feet were now throbbing in pain, the adrenaline in his body was now flushing away. He was finding it hard to even stand.

Kakashi came back just in time to catch Iruka as the man's knees began to buckle. Kakashi held Iruka for a moment, the chill from the other man spreading to him. He could feel the breath of the Chuunin on his bare face, he hadn't bothered to put on his mask after showering. Kakashi waited till Iruka's breathing evened out, he must have been running all night to be this messed up.

"Can you stand?" Kakashi asked after a time. He didn't wait for Iruka to respond as he let the Chuunin stand on his own. He silently took off the man's vest, Iruka's hand snatched at Kakashi, stopping the Copy-Ninja from undressing him. "Sorry, you have to get out of these clothes, I can turn around or something if you want me to."

"Sorry, I'll do it my self" Iruka's hoarse voice came out as a whisper, and it was then that Kakashi noticed the large bruises on the man's neck.

_Someone tried to strangle him!_ Kakashi kept the shock off of his expression. He gently placed a large towel into Iruka's hands and turned, giving the other the privacy he deserved. Although Kakashi was worried that there were similar injuries on the Chuunin's body.

"You can turn now," Iruka whispered, his knees were getting weak again, "Can I sit down?"

Kakashi didn't say a word, he wrapped Iruka in the large blanket he had retrieved and silently led the man to his room, and to the warmth of his bed. When Iruka tried to protest, something about not taking someone else's bed, Kakashi silenced him by lightly rapping Iruka's head. Kakashi moved behind Iruka, grabbed a towel and went to work.

"You're hair is wet," Kakashi said as he untied the man's hair-band. Iruka wondered how Kakashi always managed not to rip out a few roots whenever he undid the band, but lost his thoughts as he felt the other man begin to towel dry his hair. Kakashi was kneading his scalp, making him lose any chance of thinking.

Kakashi massaged the mass of wet hair as he silently inspected the Chuunin. After his assessment was done, Kakashi pushed a slight amount of chakra down the other man's back, taking care of the small wounds first. Feeling Iruka stiffen under his efforts, he was probably surprised, Kakashi continued with his administrations, he gently massaged at the bruises on Iruka's throat, pushing more chakra into the damaged area as he felt Iruka's body respond to the energy.

Iruka almost cried out as Kakashi placed his slender fingers on the tender spots of his neck. It had scared him, but it did not hurt, not the slightest. The tightness of his injured throat began to subside as warmth poured into him. This is what he remembered, and longed for, of Kakashi. A kind, gentle, soul who protected and healed the people that he cared for.

"Thanks," Iruka whispered, the harshness in his voice was gone, his cheeks a deep scarlet.

"Not done yet," Kakashi said as he moved from behind Iruka to the foot of his bed, "Lay down, your feet are a mess."

Iruka did as he was told, and felt the same warming energy enter his torn feet. Mending the bloodied and worn out skin, "You should have become a medical ninja."

"Nah," Kakashi answered as soon as he was done with Iruka's wounds, "I'm too lazy to do that."

"True enough," Iruka chuckled.

"Time for sleep," Kakashi said as he covered Iruka with another blanket, "I'll be in the living room if you need me." He was about to leave when he felt a tug on his pants.

"Don't leave…" Iruka murmured, "I…don't want you to leave."

Kakashi sighed, "You know…I can't go back, not after…" He couldn't finish.

"I know…" Iruka was on the verge of tears, but he needed to be near the other man, needed his warmth. Needed the energy and safety that only Kakashi could provide, "Please…"

Kakashi shuttered as he peered at Iruka's crumbling face. The man needed him, and he was denying the Chuunin comfort. So, despite the pain that was threading through his heart, he quietly slipped next to the shivering form of his ex and wrapped his arms around Iruka's lower back to pull him closer. _He's lost weight._

When Kakashi accepted his pleas Iruka lost his control over the tears in his eyes, soul, and heart. He sobbed into the other mans arms, cried for all that he had lost, all that he had put the both of them through, and for hurting Kakashi, when the silver-haired man had his best interests in mind.

"I'm…" Iruka choked on his tears, gripping tighter at Kakashi's shirt, "…so sorry!"

"Shhh," Kakashi whispered into Iruka's ear. He continued to whisper sweet nothings to the Chuunin, hoping to comfort the other man from the despair that was plaguing the man's heart.

Kakashi would have rejoiced in this, it seemed that he hadn't messed up as badly as he had thought. Iruka still wanted him. He breathed in the other man's scent and noticed for the first time that Iruka had no longer smelt of cigarettes, only of earth, rain, and spice.

Iruka silently slipped into slumber under Kakashi's care, hoping that warmth of the other man would never leave him.

Soon after Iruka's breathing had evened out, Kakashi too slipped into the darkness of sleep, vaguely knowing that his injured shoulder was going to hurt like hell come morning.

When Iruka awoke the next day, his head was clear, body warmed, his entire being was refreshed. It seemed like it was just another day in his life, before he started seeing Asuma, before he had broken Kakashi's heart, before he stopped caring that he was alive. The wonders that Kakashi held in his life, Iruka pondered, how had he survived a few months away from the silver-haired man?

Kakashi entered the room, a glass of warmed tea in his hands, "I have to go on a mission," He said as he offered the mug to Iruka, "I'll be back in a couple days, but I want you to stay here until I return." Iruka began to protest about imposing but was silenced, "You aren't staying at your apartment, I'm not risking another attack, anyway I've already cleared it with Tsunade, you can rest today and return to work tomorrow."

"You went through all that trouble for me?" Iruka could feel his cheeks begin to warm with another blush.

"Of course," Kakashi beamed, "Remember what I said before?" At the blank expression, _he's so clueless,_ Kakashi continued, "I just want you happy, baka." Kakashi teleported out of the room before Iruka had a chance to say anything more.

Iruka hated whoever taught Kakashi that jutsu.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Naruto.**

**Rated R: Language, violence, implied adult situations. **

**A/N: Another chapter comes to an end. This was hard to write…too much description, but I'm determined to become better at this…no matter how many fics I slaughter to accomplish being able to write better descriptions. Also…writing battle scenes is my new bane, I do not like it at all, and thankfully this is the last chapter with a battle scene in it…well for this fic.**

**Thank you to all of those who reviewed, I appreciate it A LOT! It keeps me going. Any type of feedback is greatly appreciated, and adored (I save all the emails I get from of reviews). On to the Fic! **

**Always Alone Chapter 8**

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He was no hero, there was seldom need for one in the ninja world. Heroes, saviors, those who stood out in the light to protect the weak, they were the men and women that played fair. They won their battles by being just, and upheld a standard. They were not ANBU.

_They_ were not heroes, the deepest of the ninja sects hunted, killed, and pillaged all of those that stood in their villages' path. They hid bombs in children's toys, stabbed once trusted allies in the back, and bathed in their enemies' blood.

He was not a hero…

Kakashi had thought that rejoining the ranks of ANBU had been a good decision on his part. He would not have to deal with the trivial feelings, which came with heartbreak, if he was trying to block out all emotions. However good of a job he had been doing in ANBU, the stoic façade had withered away when Iruka had stumbled to his apartment, battered, broken, and needing Kakashi.

It disturbed Kakashi, to know that the Chuunin still wanted him. After everything they had been through, and it was affecting his performance on missions. Not the easy crap, like killing people, but after the deed was done, when he could see the damage that he dealt.

Kakashi was bathing in blood. The roots of his hair were dyed by obsidian liquid. This was part of any mission, part of any shinobi's life. Especially for those who were labeled as genius, kids that turned into legends that were destined for the dark ranks of ANBU. It was his life, it came naturally, yet he had to keep the bile in his throat in the aftermath of his skirmishes.

No matter whom his enemies were, whether they were criminal bastards or seemingly innocent politicians, their deaths made his skin crawl. The sickening amount of blood as it splattered out of its owner's still twitching body. The way it stuck to his skin, hair, and clothes. It made him sick, and yet he had dealt with the emotions, learned how to tune it out. He taught himself how to ignore the sensations that his body told him, that this was wrong, sick and twisted. Kakashi had forgotten how hard this part was, the afterglow of murder.

_They all bleed so much…_

Would he bleed to that extent, seemingly gallons of the precious life blood spilling itself onto the floor as death took over his body. How would he feel if he found his precious person lying on the floor like this? Even more importantly what would it be like to find out that his precious person had been the cause of all this carnage?

It was absurd, the thought of a killer having a lover, yet he had them…no, he had one. The man had stayed with Kakashi unaware of what the Jounin was capable of. That he could paint a room blood red with a single kunai. That the red ink was from 'targets,'…people who were deemed unfit to live because of politics.

_If he knew_…_Would he stand by my side?_

He could not answer that, only the man who held his heart could, and that man would never see this side of him.

In reality, Iruka would never see Kakashi for what he truly was.

Assassin, an emotionless tool, monster, genius, a murderer… the common terms for men and women that called themselves ANBU.

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Iruka drifted in and out of consciousness, the warmth enveloping his mind to croon him back to sleep. The bed reminded the Chuunin of safety… of Kakashi, so much that he was loath to leave the fluffiness of it all. But the thought of being late for his early morning desk shift at the mission's room beat out the sleep haze. With the resolve that rivaled even the greatest of lazy-bastard Jounin's, Iruka pulled himself out of Kakashi bed.

Iruka stopped at Kakashi's dresser and pulled out some clothes. Kakashi wouldn't have minded him taking…borrowing clothes, they had done it in the past. Although Kakashi's pants sagged more than he liked on his smaller frame, not that he was taking the garments because it smelt like Kakashi. The Jounin had basically banned him from returning home, so wanting to stay in good graces with the man, Iruka just borrowed whatever he could of Kakashi's. Plus it was easier than going back to his home to get a couple spare changes of clothes.

It had been several days since Kakashi had left for his mission, and Iruka was getting antsy about the Jounin's return. He often did, but this time it was the prospect of what would happen to their relationship, now that they were talking to each other again.

He'd have to thank Asuma, after he beat the shit out of the man.

The chain-smoking Jounin had made his appearances sparse, avoiding Iruka rather than the other way around. Apparently the man had enough grace to know that he was wrong in his drunken rage. So much that he had stopped all advances on Iruka, it made the Chuunin happy. However, he still wanted to rearrange the other man's face into an unrecognizable puddle of oozing, crap filled, shit…

Iruka coughed, trying to get his anger under control. He would be late for his shift if he kept stewing in his emotions while trying to get ready.

By the time Iruka was ready to leave, he had about ten minutes to run a couple miles to get to work. He ran out the door, in such a hurry that he plowed right into a shocked Hagane Kotetsu.

"Sensei…you should really watch before you run someone over…" The younger man sighed as he picked himself up.

Iruka blushed a little and offered a quick apology, "Sorry, I'm in a rush to get to work."

"This is for you," Kotetsu offered the other man a small scroll, "Tsunade said to report to her immediately, and that you're relieved of your shift."

"Okay…" Iruka nodded mechanically as he read the scroll.

"_ANBU Operative 9-15: Mission successful…sustained critical injuries… taken into intensive care."_

…

_Kakashi_.

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Another simple operation and it was going horribly wrong, for a genius shinobi with over a thousand successful missions, Kakashi had been slipping more and more as of late. Even as a stray kunai nicked his neck, he was pissed off at himself for letting it happen.

He had stayed in the targets room, a daimyo accused of treason that had to be taken out, a little longer than he should have. Really, only about five minutes, but it was enough time for all of the cities ninja's to catch scent of the blood and come running. He had to dive out of a glass window just to avoid the onslaught of kunai's and shuriken.

"Hound respond," Kakashi's ear piece blared in his ear, his teammates had probably heard the ruckus from their rendezvous point. Kakashi did not have time to respond as a particularly flashy fire-jutsu took out the tree branch he was aiming to land on.

"Respond operative!" The panicked voice yelled in his ear, not that the bastard had anything to yell at in the first place. He was not the one with the psychotic ninja's on his backside.

"Kakashi!" It came again just as a kunai found its way into the silver-haired man's already injured shoulder.

"Would you shut the hell up!" Kakashi growled as he quickly disposed of the offending shinobi.

"Are you okay?" The concerned, annoyingly familiar, voice seeped through.

"I do not like bleeding, if that's what you mean."

"Give us your position and we'll be right there."

"About half a mile from rendezvous…approaching from east." Kakashi huffed out, dodging more projectiles while successfully switching off his communicator. All he needed was for his teammates' voice to distract him. He wanted to live. He wanted to see his Chuunin teacher again. And that was not going to happen if he was focusing on an irritating voice in his ear.

Another sharp pain spread in his back, a surprise kunai had found its target again. Kakashi had to wonder why he was getting injured so much, it was not uncommon, but it was like he was a rookie all over again. Could it have possibly been because of the emotions he let loose after killing his target? Either that or he was getting old…

Kakashi was not sure which answer was worst.

A shuriken scratched the armor protecting his forearm; it bounced harmlessly away, but fueled the Copy-Ninja to run faster. He turned for a second, felt out a chakra pattern and threw a kunai. Kakashi picked up a slight grunt and smirked to himself. Jerk.

His victory was short lived as he was surrounded almost instantly by the complex's shinobi. Each of whom he could take out in a one on one match, but the sheer volume of their numbers was beginning to wear on his brain. He might not live if he actually tried to kill them all, but it was better than running like a coward. With that resolve, Kakashi pulled out his father's tanto, and lit it with his chakra. The white shining blade made a few of his pursuers back off, the smart ones, and made others launch into attacks, the stupid ones.

Kakashi disposed a wave of enemy ninjas, it was not easy and he was taking damage, but at least he was not dead…yet. His energy reserves were running low, and there were still about twenty of the men left. If only he could bring out the necessary chakra for a Raikiri, all of them would be dead in an instant, but he had been fatigued even before the mission had started. It had not even been that long since he had rejoined ranks, and he was already faltering.

He really needed a vacation…

Kakashi gathered his chakra and charged his remaining opponents with a battle cry, taking five of them out with momentum alone. It was short lived, like everything in his pathetically blood filled life. One of the smarter enemy-nin's had attacked from above, effectively pinning Kakashi to the forest floor.

Kakashi closed his eyes, his hands were pinned beneath a heavy set of legs. He could not perform seals for an escape jutsu. Resigned, he closed his eyes and waited for the finishing blow to come.

"Get up you lazy bastard!" The weight on his torso was suddenly lifted, Kakashi sprang to his feet in an instant. The eerie pale mask of his teammate over the corpse of the man who had just been on him met Kakashi's eyes.

"Took you long enough," Kakashi smirked, the two remaining members of his cell appeared next to his captain. At least he did not have to work as hard now…

Or so he thought, as he noticed a slight limp in his captain's stride. A common injury, yet one that would disable a normal person from running, but they weren't normal after all. His captain made quick work of half of the remaining attackers, scaring most of the none-bloodied men into screaming and running for their lives.

"Leave them to us," The quiet voice of their kunoichi teammate said as she dashed, followed by his other teammate, after the cowards who ran.

"So," Each man stood paired up again another, "Think you can handle this by yourself?" Kakashi smirked under him mask.

"Che," The man said, recognizing the jest under the question, "Shut up Kakashi,"

"I thought we weren't supposed to use our real names on missions?"

"Would you shut u-!" The captain was cut off as a kunai barrage barreled at him. Kakashi however, did shut up and went to work on his opponent.

It was quick and easy, the kid was probably just too scared to leave his leader's side. Considering how much of a fight the man was giving his captain, Kakashi was not surprised. The man was on an equal level as his teammates, meaning that Kakashi could not interfere in the battle, unless a chance opportunity presented itself. Which was highly unlikely.

Kakashi turned away and readjusted his headset so that he could switch it back on, he wanted to make sure that the rest of his team was safe, or if they needed his assistance. A strangled cry caught his ear and he instinctively turned at the sound.

His ANBU captain was on the forest floor, his mask torn off, the last of their enemies was setting up for a finishing move, and Kakashi's breath had caught in his throat. Not because of the dangers that had presented themselves, but because his captain had brown hair. It ran to his shoulders, stopping just below his tanned neck. The man's eyes were deep brown, intense and strangely calm in the face of death. If it wasn't for the paling of his face, that made the scar run across his nose even whiter, Kakashi would have believed the man to be fearless.

_Why is he here? Why is he an ANBU captain? Why the hell is he not MOVING!_

Kakashi's brain and heart functions ceased as he watched in horror as the enemy launched his attack. Towards the person he cared about most, towards his life. Kakashi's body moved on its own, not even processing the amazing speed he was moving at.

Before any of them knew it, the enemy shinobi was now trying to breath around a kunai lodged in his throat. The ANBU captain was covered in blood, but it was not his own blood seeping into his chest plates, and Kakashi was drifting to the dirt floor of the dark forest.

"Why!" The ANBU captain yelled as he caught the falling Kakashi. The man had guarded him, taken the full brunt of the attack.

"You idiot," Kakashi coughed blood into his mask; he desperately wanted it off in that instant, just to breathe easier. His captain sensed his discomfort, and with a shaking hand took off the porcelain ANBU mask and slipped off the black mask underneath it, "Thanks…" Kakashi ground out, as the pooling blood in his mouth slipped from his lips.

"Why did you take that hit?" He whispered around the breath that had caught in his throat, even drowning in blood, Kakashi was strikingly beautiful.

"Idiot…" Kakashi repeated himself, "I thought you were done surprising me with the secrets, all this time you were my captain."

"Kakashi…"

"You're such a bastard…" Kakashi was beginning to fade, could feel the darkness enclose on him, "To think I fell in love with such a liar," He closed his eyes, only to meet a hard shake.

"Don't fall asleep!" The captain continued to shake the man in his arms, trying to rouse him to stay awake…stay alive! Kakashi cracked his eyes open, annoyed at the other man, "You can't just say something like that and die on me!"

"You…always were…a drama queen," Kakashi mumbled, his blood splattering with his labored breaths, "even…in bed…"

_In bed?_

"Stop talking already, I'll call for back up, we'll get you home, and you'll be fine."

"Ne…Iruka…" …_why? _It was hard to speak, his voice did not want to cooperate with his brain.

The captain stopped fiddling with his headset to stare at Kakashi. The man had just called him Iruka…

"Why…are you crying?"

"Shut up and save your strength…" The captain said, "Baka…" _I'm not Iruka…baka…_

"Talk to me…" Kakashi said, his voice faded to the point of a hoarse whisper, "Please…"

"Sure…" Genma said, as he continued to lie to the dying man in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Naruto, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto-sensei.**

**Rated M: Language, non-con, and stuff… **

**A/N: My brain is dead from trying to write this… I spent a good 6 hours on the first paragraph. Although that could have been because I was busy trying to get One Piece Movie 5, which I still haven't gotten. :cries:. **

**I'm sorry it took so long to get this out, I think it's because I'm paranoid about the outcome of this chapter. Its unbeta'd and probably crappy beyond repair, but I hope you guys enjoy it. Feedback is greatly appreciated. (I just noticed I talk…err…type funny. lol) **

**Always Alone Chapter 9**

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Fate was against him. It had been the longest of nights and he was beginning to lose himself in all of the confusion. There was a part of him that felt that there was no need to be conscious, he wanted to rest and replenish the strength to his injured body, to be lost in dreams…to forget. Yet he stayed awake, staring at the empty gleam on the tiled floors of his villages' hospital. His head bowed, shamed that he had been brought this low.

There was no excuse for what had happened. He was the one with the title of _Captain_, it was the captain's responsibility to look after his subordinates, yet his teammate had saved him.

The teammate whom he carried back to Konoha, strapped to his back, whose labored breathing had stopped midway. It was like carrying a corpse. The sensation that ran down his back as he felt the man slipping away still had not left his mind. It was self abusing to blame himself, but he felt responsible. If he had been paying closer attention to his surroundings, or had done something different…maybe then Kakashi wouldn't be fighting for his life on an operating table.

_Get it together Shiranui_!

He commanded his brain to shut down, to be patient, till this ordeal was over. If Kakashi lived, what would he think of his captain if he saw him berating himself like a crying child? And if the silver-haired man did pass…not make it through this ordeal then he could grieve. He rubbed at his tired eyes wearily, there was no point in getting anymore emotional at this point.

Despite all of his internal administrations, the fear crept into his thoughts and an unpleasant heat bubbled in his stomach. He could already feel the familiar clutch seizing his throat and knew that he was beginning to crack. Shiranui Genma, a respected captain and shinobi was breaking in the middle of a hospital hallway.

Breaking because of Kakashi...the man had made a promise to keep his squad members alive, even at the risk of his life. There was no reason to be so vigilant in the shinobi world; however, Hatake was one of the few exceptions who broke the ninja stereotypes with no hesitation.

The sense of duty to protect those in his team, although those teammates were complete strangers hiding behind masks, was naturally imbedded into Kakashi. He upheld justice despite being so close to the darkness of murder and treason. And because of that same upbringing within himself, Kakashi was now lying on an operating table.

Because he had to be a hero, Kakashi was a precious treasure of Konoha and the thought was making Genma sick.

_It was my fault…_ He wondered where this self-abuse was coming from. He had lost teammates in worst situations, made sacrifices for his village. But this was different.

Genma sighed heavily, keeping his gaze downcast.

"Here," A quiet voice accompanied with a bump to his shoulder made Genma raise his head to glare at whoever was disturbing his brooding.

Genma scowled at the man standing before him, holding out a cup of vendor machine coffee…apparently fate liked to kick a man when he's down.

"It's not like I poisoned it."

_As if you were skilled enough to do that_. Genma bit back his tongue and forced a polite thanks as he took the drink.

"You're welcome,"

Although the bastard Chuunin probably did not mean it.

"When did you get back?" Genma pretended to drink his coffee, scalding his tongue while trying to keep from talking to the other man, "Are you going to answer any of my questions?"

"Go to hell…" Insulting someone was not considered talking, in Genma's opinion.

"Very mature," The sarcastic reply came.

"Let's get one thing straight, _sensei,_ I do not like you…at all."

"Apparently…" Iruka sighed and swallowed his pride, "However that is not going to help either of us in this situation, I just wanted to know if you were okay. Not that I'm worried or anything," Iruka waved his hand, as if to dissipate a thought anywhere near resembling concern for the special-Jounin, "Knowing that baka of a shinobi, he's probably in there because he had to save some idiot's neck."

"What would you know about how Kakashi operates on the field?" Hot resentment flashed in Genma, "It's not like you would be anywhere near the level of missions he works on."

Iruka, for his part, just ignored the man's anger, "I know because I have faith in Kakashi."

"And how do you show that faith, you sleep with other people!"

"What did you say!" Iruka glared at the special-Jounin, his own anger breaking through.

"Fuck you-"

"That's enough you two," A barked command followed by the sound of rotating doors rocking on its hinges interrupted the two shinobi's fight, "This is a hospital not a bar, idiots."

"Well said Sakura," The Godaime spoke behind her apprentice, "Go take a break."

The young medic-ninja in training glared at the two older shinobi for a second before making her leave to the nearest break room.

"She's getting ruder everyday." Genma scowled at the disappearing figure of the pink-haired girl. _Much like a certain Hokage…_

"Give her some slack Genma. This was her first operation," Tsunade gracefully swooped down onto one of the waiting room's chairs, "On her Jounin-sensei no less."

"You let her do what!" Both Genma and Iruka yelled at the same time.

"I let her be extra careful on her first procedure, so she could give the best possible treatment for a person she cares about," The Godaime scowled at the men for yelling at her, "Who is the medical expert of us?" She huffed when neither answered her question, and instead turned their gazes away from her, "That's what I thought…brats."

"That's still twisted…" Iruka grimaced. Genma had to agree with that, but kept his opinion to himself.

"So…was it a success?" Genma stuttered, having forgotten to ask, panic once again seizing his thoughts.

"The brat will live…probably."

_Thank god!_

"Can we see him?" Iruka immediately asked.

"You know the rules Iruka, go home and get some rest, we'll see if he's in any condition for visitors tomorrow." She grinned as the Chuunin beamed, "I need to speak with Shiranui in private for a second."

Genma, ignored the Godaime and the bastard's conversation, lost in a state of relief and happiness. As he ignored the blonde's questions, increasing her agitation, he received a hard cuff to the back of his head.

"Huh? What was that Tsunade-sama?" He asked, rubbing the sore part of his abused skull.

"I was asking about your opinion on Kakashi's mental state."

"Ah, sorry," He blushed, "I explained it in detail in my report, but in shortened terms Kakashi mistook me for Iruka after he was hit by an attack, although I assume that it's been occurring prior to this particular mission."

"So he has been suffering from hallucinations…as I thought." She sighed, "That explains why he slipped into a coma."

"He's mentally stressed," She continued through the others' questions, "He should be fine, the brat has a strong enough will, but there's a chance that he could die."

"I thought you said he would recover?" Genma looked murderous, "Why would you lie?"

"There was extensive damage done to his system. That attack should have killed him, puncture wounds, poison and mental incapacity. The only positive that could have come from this is that Kakashi might have copied that jutsu before he was hit. " She glared defiantly at the younger man, "Also I only lied to Iruka, not to you, because I know you can handle it Genma. That was the main reason why I held you back. Now go home and get some rest."

Genma glared at Tsunade for a second before bowing and excusing himself.

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_You can't die you idiot_

He stared down at the recovering form of Kakashi, his throat swelling at the sight. Sneaking in after visiting hours had been a bad idea after all…

"_Iruka! Can you grab the dog shampoo for me?" Kakashi hollered from their shared bathroom._

_A few seconds later Iruka entered the washroom and laughed at the scene of an unhappy drenched Kakashi. _

"_What happened here?"_

"_Summons do not like being clean…according to Pakkun's younger brother…" Kakashi growled at the smirking dog sitting in the shallow bathtub water, "You're getting it dog…"_

_Iruka burst out into a fit of laughter when the dog smirked, as best as a dog can, evilly at his master, licking his masked face before creating another wave of water in the tiny bathroom._

Kakashi's mask had been taken off, replaced by a medical scroll. A plastic tub was forced into his throat to provide oxygen.

_What would I do without you…_

The monotone of the life reading machines beeped on the walls…slowly the pulse was becoming erratic.

"_It was a nice day," Kakashi said coyly as they walked to their apartment after a long day of traveling Konoha's streets. Not doing one thing in particular, but whatever sprang into their minds._

"_Un," Iruka agreed, not quite as eager to break into any type of conversation, but wanting to enjoy the company of the man beside him._

"_We should do it again sometime," Kakashi snatched Iruka's hand and grasped it tightly, "Although next time we should hold hands."_

_Iruka blushed, "But won't everyone see that we're together?"_

"_And I care about that because?" _

_Kakashi beamed as Iruka kissed him in the middle of the street._

Iruka caught up in his memories, gently clasped Kakashi's hand, hoping that the older man would squeeze his, like that day so long ago.

_Are you running away from me?_

The metallic beeping of the heart-monitor started to go dull, as if it was drowning all the sound out of the room, the death-declaring hum the only constant.

"_Ne Iruka…"_

"_Hmmm?" Iruka hummed around the food in his mouth._

"_I never asked this of anyone…but…I… um." Kakashi glared at the kitchen table, his pale cheeks glowing red._

"_Heh…is it that important?"_

"_Of course!" Kakashi scowled, he was immediately on the defensive, which meant that it really was significant, "I mean if you are not going to take this seriously I might as well not ask." _

"_You're way too sensitive," Iruka joked, "But I'm listening, I promise not to laugh."_

"_Well…uh…" Again, it looked like Kakashi had developed laryngitis and was about to have a heart attack at the same time, "You promise not to run away?"_

"_Why would I run away from you?"_

"_Promise me."_

"_I promise."_

"_You would never leave me then?"_

"_Would you spit it out Kakashi…"_

"_Well…" Kakashi blushed again, "Will you move in with me?"_

"_Only on one condition," Iruka would have laughed if it weren't for the serious look Kakashi was glaring with, "You can't run away from me either…I'm sick of being alone." _

_Iruka was pounced in that instant surprised that they did not break anything in Iruka's cramped apartment._

"_You'll never be alone…as long as I'm here." Kakashi whispered into his ear._

The room was completely quiet, the machines connected to the walls had died hours ago.

"You shit head…" Iruka whispered into the delicate crevice between Kakashi's neck and collarbone. The heat and tightness in Iruka's throat released, leaving hot trails to run down his face.

_You liar!_

"Come back Kakashi…come back." He sobbed.

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**A/N: TBC…It's not over yet! 2-3 more Chapters, don't hurt me.:hides:.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Naruto.**

**Rated M: For Mature situations.**

**A/N: Sorry for the slight delay, I've been busy getting writer's block…I mean I was coaching at a tennis tournament for the past couple of days…really! Also decided to be mean, so that was part of the delay, if you visit my Livejournal, it was already up there for a couple days. Anyway, this is the last meaty chapter, the next is an epilogue. I was originally planning to make this story a chapter longer, but I felt that doing more would be overkill. There's only so much angst I can take writing. I think I'm better suited to writing meaningless crack. XD. Feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**Always Alone Chapter 10**

_You can't die you idiot_

_He stared down at the recovering form of Kakashi, his throat swelling at the sight. Sneaking in after visiting hours had been a bad idea after all… _

_Kakashi's mask had been taken off, replaced by a medical scroll. A plastic tub was forced into his throat to provide oxygen. _

_What would I do without you…?_

_The monotone of the life reading machines beeped on the walls…slowly the pulse was becoming erratic. _

_Iruka caught up in his memories, gently clasped Kakashi's hand, hoping that the older man would squeeze his, like that day so long ago._

_Are you running away from me?_

_The metallic beeping of the heart-monitor started to go dull, as if it was drowning all the sound out of the room, the death-declaring hum the only constant._

_The room was completely quiet, the machines connected to the walls had died hours ago. _

_"You shit head…" Iruka whispered into the delicate crevice between Kakashi's neck and collarbone. The heat and tightness in Iruka's throat released, leaving hot trails to run down his face. _

_You liar!_

_"Come back Kakashi…come back." He sobbed. _

His throat constricted, jolting the slumbering man back into reality in a fit of violent coughs. Iruka, suffocating on his own spit, bolted upright, trying to ease the pressure in his chest. The images swimming in his head filtered in and out of his consciousness, making the anxiety in his heart unbearable. He curled his knees to his chest and let the tears overwhelm his body.

He had wanted to stay strong. If only for Kakashi, but there was so much pain in believing that everything would be okay, that the silver-haired man would be alive, whole and well. But the reality of the situation beat out any hope in the young teachers mind.

After his body had settled, Iruka collapsed onto his back, gathering the blanket to his chest.

Kakashi's presence invaded his senses, and Iruka desperately wanted the cloth to be the other man. However the Chuunin knew that would never come to be, not if Jounin did not survive his recent mission…

…_If he's not already dead._

Iruka sighed into the sheets of his bed, chastening himself for having such depressing thoughts. It wouldn't help his situation, or Kakashi's, if he did not practice what he so firmly believed in.

Believing in Kakashi.

That's the one constant he could count on in his life. The infamous Copy-Ninja performed his duties in the most reckless and selflessness ways imaginable. He would come home bruised, wrapped in bandages, almost unrecognizable amidst the grit, dirt, and caked blood. Despite the odds, the life threatening dangers the man encountered on missions. Hatake Kakashi always came back alive.

Kakashi always came back to his hidden village, to his home, and to his lover, Iruka.

However, the slight doubt in Iruka's mind left the possibility that Kakashi would not come back this time. Because this time, the Jounin had no one to return to… _How conceited…_

Kakashi had been alone for more than half of his shinobi career. No parents, friends, nor lovers. The only people to make an impact on the Copy-Ninja had been his sensei, his old team, and his Genin squad. The fact that he had broken up with his boyfriend would not affect his mind on a mission.

With the self proclaimed reassurance, Iruka readied himself for the day, staying focused and positive that Kakashi was still alive, and that the nightmare was not a deadly premonition, but only his mind determined to destroy what was left of his sanity.

Walking down the early morning streets of Konoha reminded Iruka strongly of where he stood only a couple days ago, before his scare with Asuma. The world around him had stopped as if frozen in time. Everything was moving, going on with their lives, but it was bland, stiff, like nothing was actually real. Like he was dreaming all over again.

Such a contrast to how he felt when Kakashi held him and told him everything would be okay. The memories filtered through his mind, leaving traces of Kakashi's scent on his nose, fleeting shivers like the man was touching his skin, warmth spreading down his back as he remembered Kakashi's tongue probing his mouth.

Iruka, lost as he was in his tranquility, bumped into a fellow shinobi, "Ah, sorry." He quietly apologized, too flustered at his clumsiness to say anything else.

Iruka was about to walk away when the other ninja offered no pleasantries, but was stopped as his bicep was gripped lightly. Iruka looked into the humbled face of a pale Asuma and was filled with disgust.

"Fuck off," The teacher snapped, shrugging off the grip on his arm.

"I did not come here to fight…sensei." The smoker's voice was so gentle, despite the usual gruffness that naturally came with a nicotine addict.

"That won't stop me from slitting your throat if you come closer," The Chuunin threatened, he was still enraged about what had happened, no matter how close it had taken him back to the Copy-Ninja, "You can die and I wouldn't give a shit," Iruka started walking away, he needed to be with Kakashi.

"It must be nice…" Asuma whispered, "To have someone so devoted to you, to be blind and forgive you for everything that you've done."

Iruka turned to glare at the Jounin.

"I wish I could have someone like that in my life."

_Someone like you does not deserve such a person_…Iruka would have said it to the man's face, but knew it was not true. They were all betrayers in their own right, it came with the territory of being a ninja. He found himself lucky to have the last surviving Hatake, and knew that he did not deserve the Jounin… Kakashi probably felt the same. Any ninja who had a lover would think along those lines. Their occupation was the epitome of darkness, which was only broken by the light of another, someone to ground them when they were too far gone.

"When he wakes up…and that bastard will wake up," Asuma trailed on, "Take care of him."

Iruka turned and nodded to an empty street.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"You asshole!" Genma yelled at the now conscious man, "What the hell were you thinking!"

_That you yell too damn loud to someone who just got up from a coma_… Kakashi settled for a silent huff, not wanting to voice anything for a long time. His head hurt, and thanks to all the commotion that his "Captain" was creating, he was getting a nice and painful migraine.

"Urusai…baka!" Sakura slapped the back of Genma's head, "He only woke up a few hours ago and you're yelling at him."

"And you!" The older Jounin turned on the medic-in-training, "Brat! Stop hitting me!"

"Not until you learn proper etiquette while you're in a hospital!"

"Both of you shut up," Tsunade snapped, which Kakashi was grateful for, "Any headaches Hatake?"

"Only when these two showed up…" Kakashi mumbled around his dry throat, finding the scratchy sound in his voice disturbing, but not unexpected since he hadn't spoken for awhile.

"Any other aches?"

"None," Kakashi whispered quietly, like he would any other mission report.

"I'll prescribe you some painkillers to be on the safe side."

"Anything else I can get for you?" Tsunade asked sweetly, which made the Copy-Ninja's skin crawl. Nothing good ever came when the Hokage used her "nice" voice.

He politely declined, and received a sharp smack to the back of his head.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!" The Hokage roared, "First you ask to be in ANBU, then you fuck this up a mission, and now you almost get yourself-"

"Am I interrupting something?" The Hogake stopped mid-rant and glared at the paling teacher, whom sneaked in just as she had started yelling at the recovering man.

"Nothing important," Genma scoffed, although the honey-haired man noticed that Kakashi had turned his gaze away from the Chuunin.

"May I speak to Kakashi then?"

Kakashi coughed into his mask, it took Genma and Tsunade a couple seconds to discover that he was not violently hacking because he could not breathe, but because he was using a crude form of ANBU communication.

_Don't leave me alone with him…please!_

Tsunade cocked an eyebrow and glared at her shinobi genius, trying to analyze what he was thinking.

"Tsunade-sama, don't we have to discuss a few medical issues with Iruka-Sensei if we plan on letting him take care of Kakashi-Sensei?" Sakura spoke up, like she had understood what her Jounin-Sensei was asking of the Hokage.

"Right, let's go Iruka, we'll leave Genma to take care of the brat." She said, guiding the younger man out, who was looking at Kakashi puzzlingly as he left the room.

"That girl…" Genma started dumbfounded that Sakura had deciphered Kakashi's code, "Is full of surprises…"

"You should see the other two in action," Kakashi coughed a few more times, his throat angry from the rough treatment.

"So… why did you not want to see Iruka?" Genma's asked, a little too hopeful for the Copy-Ninja's liking.

"Who was my squad Captain the night I was injured?"

"You don't remember?" Genma asked, "From the looks of the report, it sounds as if your Iruka-Sensei has been keeping more secrets from you."

"I knew it was not really him," Kakashi sighed, "My Sharingan saw through the illusion."

"Then why did you call me by his name?"

"Ah, so you were lying," Kakashi chuckled at his own deception, "I was lying just now, if anything, most likely the Sharingan made Iruka's image stronger."

"Bastard," Genma growled, but nodded in defeat, "Fine…I was the captain for your squad that night."

Kakashi laughed, softly but more distinct, a true Hatake laugh, "Thank god."

"Eh?" Genma gawked, "You're happy that you've been hallucinating?"

"It's better than the alternative of having Iruka out on missions where he could come home half dead," _Like I do._

"Why do you love him so much?" Genma sighed, lowering his forehead to touch the side of Kakashi's raised bed.

Kakashi shrugged, although the other man could not see the gesture, "I just do."

"Why am I not good enough?" The honey-haired Jounin chocked out, keeping what was left of his pride by not breaking down at that moment.

Kakashi, recognizing the tenderness of the situation and not wanting to hurt the other man any more than he already had, gently tugged at Genma's band, successfully getting him to look up. He took the sharp chin into his callused hand and gazed into the Jounin's eyes.

"I don't deserve this kind of attention," He sighed, "And didn't I tell you not to act like this anymore?"

"But-"

Genma never finished the sentence as a scowling Iruka made his way into the small hospital room, who was also looking like he was ready to bolt at any moment, "Sorry I interrupted."

"We were done here anyway," Kakashi sighed, for the two-hundredth time that day, "Genma, can you give us some time alone?"

"Whatever," Genma brushed off Kakashi's touch. He glared at Iruka for a few seconds, silently warning the other man not to do anything stupid, and retreated out of the room.

"I'm sick of people looking at me like that…" Iruka huffed.

"Go easy on the guy," Kakashi said nonchalantly, "He's just coping with some heartbreak."

"And who would be the one he's getting over?" The Chuunin growled accusingly.

"If you're going to start a fight then please leave…" Kakashi turned away from the other man to stare at the morning sun of his village, "I'm not in the mood for games."

"Neither am I Kakashi!" Iruka turned, just as defiant as the man sitting on the hospital bed, "Why would I play games at a time like this, in fact, why are you playing with my feelings when you know very well that I love you."

"You're a blind idiot…" Kakashi sighed…_again_.

"Who's in the hospital bed?"

"I thought he was you…" He murmured, just loud enough so Iruka could hear his words.

"What does that mean?" Iruka turned to gawk at the man, paling when he noticed that tears were silently running down Kakashi's masked face.

If there were things that Iruka hated the most in his short life, it was when he had to witness Kakashi cry. It was always silent, and it never made Kakashi's strong voice break. However, that only added to the tragedy of the gesture. The infamous Copy-Ninja crying with his whole body, trembling to stave off the tears, desperately fighting what was natural for his emotions and body. The most natural thing to any other person made difficult because he could not bring himself to do something as low as shedding tears. The evidence of the shinobi teachings beaten into the very way he cried.

"Oi…Kakashi?"

"I thought you were going to die…that night," He continued, deadly quiet, shaking, "On missions…I've been hallucinating…apparently it's because of some mental instability passed down from my father, or so Tsunade says, and every time it happens I see you…and this bastard was trying to kill you, Iruka, so I threw myself in front of the attack," He chuckled, "Kind of stupid when I knew you were safe."

Any ill will towards Kakashi evaporated in that instant, replaced by the strong urge to take the other man's lithe form into his arms and comfort the tears away. Like the many times the Jounin did for him.

"Can you ever forgive me," Kakashi glanced up, his pathetic gaze breaking Iruka's heart, "I've put you through so much…"

"Shut up…" Iruka said as he sat down and cradling the taller man into his chest, so that Kakashi's pointed chin rested on his collarbone, "Just stop talking…idiot."

Kakashi allowed himself to be comforted, for once in their relationship he was not the stronger of the two, and he silently thanked Iruka.

"Ne…Iruka?" When the Chuunin mumbled an answer, Kakashi could feel his voice rumble through out his chest, it made Kakashi smile a little, "Could we start over again? I've missed you…"

Iruka chortled, and the rumble in his chest made Kakashi do the same, "I've missed you too."

Taking that as a yes, Kakashi let more tears flow, his body shaking from the act, again.

"Oi, what's wrong?" Iruka asked worriedly.

"Nothing…I'm just happy."


	11. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Naruto.  
**

**Rated M: For language, adult situations.**

**A/N: It's been a long ride and it's finally over. Although this epilogue is longer than I had actually thought of, it's mostly crack, I had a lot of fun writing it, and didn't kill myself by writing angst, angst, angst! Lol… I'll leave that to my next fic. Feedback is greatly appreciated, and a big thank you to all of those that stuck with the fic from the beginning.**

**Always Alone – Epilogue**

The lazy afternoon sun lay heavy over the hidden village of the leafs. The income of recent missions had slowed down as of late, and most of the higher ranked shinobi had imposed a holiday of sorts, to calm their frayed nerves. Some decided to spend their day at home, with their loved ones, or they have opted to train with teammates. Others…others decided to flaunt their relationships into other peoples faces.

As if their relationships were the greatest damn thing in the world.

Assholes

Genma grunted into his folded arms, his chins nestled in the crevices of his limbs. Resisting the urge to bite down on his unoffending arm as a patch of silver hair chased an overly giddy Chuunin. They had been going at it for hours, and it was beginning to wear on the man's patience. Genma was a reasonable man, he knew when couples needed to rebuild their bridges and other sentimental crap, but honestly, they were supposed to be working…and not playing stupid games of 'chase the teacher'…like horny teenagers.

It pissed Genma off to no end…because he was stuck with all the work…Even if there was nothing to be done…still

Iruka let out a strangely breathless flighty laugh, a freaking giggle! Just as Kakashi had finally caught up to, and tackled him to the ground.

Yep… assholes…

A familiar heat crept into his cheeks as he witnessed a mask-less, in broad daylight no less, Kakashi kiss the crap out of Iruka, like the Chuunin had suddenly lost the ability to breathe. The urge to throw a couple dozen kunai at the two hit Genma, and he vaguely wondered, in sadistic glee, how funny it would be if they died in each other's arms.

"What the hell is wrong with me…?" He muttered to himself.

Since when was he so vindictive of other people, no not other people…of couples, especially these two assholes…was he jealous of what they had?

Of a relationship strong enough not to care about petty arguments, of unforgivable actions imposed on each other, and on other people. And the sad truth was that in all his life, Genma wanted someone like that. Wanted what Iruka had now, wanted that stupid asshole of a silver-haired shinobi.

So yeah…he was jealous.

Those assholes…

"Are you okay?"

Genma jumped a little and relaxed as one of his teammates slunk up to the window, where he was currently eye-balling a couple to death, "I'm fine," Genma muffled into his arms.

"Then why are you muttering to yourself about killing assholes?"

Genma remained silent, content that if he ignored the man he would eventually get the idea and go away, so he could …_ sulk_…or whatever he was doing now. It's not like he wanted to be bothered in the first place, by anyone, not particularly this annoying, sometimes cute…

Since when was Namiashi cute?

They were all assholes, _damn it…_

"Anyway, a little silver bird told me that you liked imported sake." Genma saw this coming…saw it before the man had even started talking, knew that Kakashi would do this…"Care to join me for a couple drinks after your shift?" Raido asked, his wide grin a tad too telling for the special-Jounin's liking.

He was going to kill that bastard _bird_ later for…for setting him up! But in the mean time…a faint giggle and a soft "Stop it Kakashi," Came from the open window.

"Could you excuse me for a sec?" Genma picked up the heaviest, unfortunately not the deadliest weapon, which happened to be a rather large shinobi encyclopedia, and chucked it at the two assholes outside the mission office. "Would you two get a DAMN ROOM ALREADY!" He roared.

"So…" Raido started after the surprise from Genma's outburst wore off, "Will you join me?"

Genma stared at the other Jounin for a while, contemplating how he was going to turn his teammate down. If he thought this was what he thought it was…a date proposal, then he'd have to figure out a way to turn Raido down lightly, and if it was just a simple request to get drunk with a friend, then he would turn the other man down. He was not in the mood to drink, or do anything social for a very long time, and it was silly to think that his teammate had suddenly acquired an attraction towards him-

Genma cursed loudly when he felt the impact of, he turned and looked at the offending projectile, the encyclopedia that he had thrown at the _assholes _earlier. Those bastards… he picked up the book and was about to throw it at the two idiots, with added bomb tags for good measures, but stopped as a loose piece of paper fell from the book.

_Just go for it you woman! –Kakashi_

It read, Genma's face flushed with anger, he was about to run off and beat the living daylights out of the Jounin, but stopped as he realized with horror that Raido was silently mouthing the inscription from Kakashi's note. That asshole-

Thump, another object, a small pebble with a note attached to it, read.

_Now! Or else!_

"Or else what you damn PERVERT!" Genma yelled out the window.

Kakashi paused in his game of Chuunin groping for all of two seconds to yell back, "Baby pictures, plus ANBU carriers!"

Why that shitty bastard asshole…

"Fine…let's go get sake…I need it after today…" Genma grumbled.

Raido nodded, sent a thumbs up towards the "silver bird," and grinned like Christmas had come early to Konoha as he followed a distressed Jounin out of the missions room.


End file.
